Bruce Willis’ THE KID revisited

Bruce Willis as Rusty Duritz in THE KID (after learning how his life’s gonna be in the next 32 years) : So, I’m forty, I’m not married, I don’t fly jets, and I don’t have a dog? I grow up to be a loser!

Wonder what I wanted to be as a 8 year old girl??? If I accidentally met the eight year old me, wonder what she would think of me ????? Let me take a trip down memory lane.

1. As a 3 year old girl I wanted to be a doctor ….. just so that I could even the score with countless medicos who jabbed needles into me and/or gave me lousy medicines to swallow.

2. As a 5 year old I did not want to be a Bharat Natyam dancer . I remember that pretty clearly. Dancing was for sissy girls, I wanted to be a trapeze artist. LOL, that is funny to remember now as I suffer from vertigo!!!

3. As an 8 year old, I wanted to be a swordsman/woman and a Lath expert. I thought fighting with sticks and swords was a pretty cool thing. To my eternal regret my parents thought otherwise and spanked me for enlisting the entire kiddie brigade into experimenting with that. Can still remember their horror and concern that we may lose an eye or a nose/ear trying to beat each other with bamboos and wooden and cardboard swords.

4. As a 10-12 year old I wanted to be a movie star (pretty standard for any pre-teen I guess), but again I did not want to be heroine – they were so goody-two-shoes in our youth!!! No I wanted to be like Helen or Bindu and make an impact. So what if the last shot would be of the vamp dying or weeping. At least they made an impact!!!

5. At 16 (my movie and modelling ambitions having been seriously curtailed by parents) I did not want to be a doctor. I wanted to chill and have fun!!

So what would I say if I met the 8 year old me ? I would tell her, “Life is tough and you will have to struggle and fight to get what you want and deserve. It will never get easy. Life will be lonely too, but hang in there. I know how stubborn we are. Just hang in there and fight. You’ll get what you want if you work at it. Yes Life is Totally Worth the Pain, the Frustrations.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

My membership badge

Blogadda wants me to paste this image on my blog until a human can vet my blog and approve it. I thought it would look snazzy on my sidebar – but have no clue how to put it there. So I am putting it as an image over here (I know how to upload stuff)

My morning dose of reality check

No one can humiliate us as thoroughly and completely as our kids, the sweet little m…f..s. When Kid #2 was just a teeny weeny baby, he was spending quality time with my ex one summer afternoon. Ex was lying on his back and the boy was perched on his paunch tummy.

Ex What do you want to do when you grow up?

Kid #2 Become big and strong

Ex (Patronisingly) Okay ….. To do what?

Kid#2 Stuff

Ex Like????

Kid#2 Pick up a big stone and bash your head in to kill you

Ex Cough !!!! Splutter!!! Why????

Kid #2 Smiling angelically – Then I can marry Momma, that is why.

Kids!!!!! Gotta love the m… f…..s!!!

Recently we were going through some photos we had taken on a family outing. I looked at a photo of myself critically and said

“Oh my God, I hate this one. I look old and a mess in it”

Kid #2 looks at it and says “Oh its okay. Why do you hate it”.

“Because I look old and shrivelled like a raisin, that is why” I complained.

“No Ma, you never look like a raisin” came the reply, “You look like a overripe mango, kind of soft and gooey all over”

My shock must have shown because he tried to make amends by adding

“You’re just as sweet too!!!”

Oh yeah whatever ….. admitted that parts of me are droopy jiggle and parts of me are fat more ample than they ought to be – but just dont point that out to me before my morning cuppa tea okay …. definitely not nice.

The Elusive ‘G” Spot

Turns out men start searching early for it, but never find it!!!!!!

Flashback to dinner table at home some time ago ….

Kid#2 : Mom what’s a ‘G’ Spot

Kid#1 : Blank expression

Me : (faintly as I recover from trying to swallow my own tongue) Ummm why do you ask

Kid#2 : Because I want to know … duh !!!

Me : Looking at Kid #1 for rescue while he tries to look deeply interested in a TV commercial : Ummm,…….. uhunh,………… lemme see …….. how shall I put it ……….

Kid #2 : Is it a place or something …. you know like Bermuda Triangle ?

Me : Giggle …… yeah I guess it is ….. giggle

Kid #2 : Bhai, do you know where it is ?

Kid #1 : (indignantly) No I don’t!!!!

Kid #2 : I’ll mail Dad and ask. He ought to know

Me : My dear son, your father knows just as much as you do about it.

Kid #2 : I know nothing about it

Me : (With a smirk) Exactly

Kid #1 : Ma, kab sudharogi ???? (When will you behave)

Both of them exchange glances, eye rolls and shoulder shrugs

Subject dropped