So what if you got the world’s best education and have an IQ that is so high that any higher you would not be human? It does not matter unless you get off your butt and use it. Action …. that is the key. Sometimes that is all it boils down to. I know it is really simple, but one needs to be constantly reminded.

TRUTH 2 :

It took me a lot of time to arrive at this conclusion … being successful and being happy don’t mean the same thing. Some people are wildly successful but lonely, irritable and depressed. Some people live on the edge of financial disaster but can be the most positive, lighthearted people. Meena Kumari, cine actress of yesteryears drank herself to death, but people considered her a great success. The boy who cleans my car has a cellphone that blares his favorite music and he sings happily along while he cleans my car. So one needs to constantly ask oneself … Am I successful? Am I happy? And not freak if one gets different answers to the question.

TRUTH 3

There is only one person you work for – yourself. It does not matter if you have a job or own your business. The only time you work is when you feel motivated, and you feel motivated only if you have some personal interest in the work you are doing. So get involved and not simply clock time. You won’t excel unless you do so.

TRUTH 4

Its easy to mess up. Just throw up too many options. Too many options make decision making tough. Keep it simple and you make progress.

TRUTH 5

The choice is yours, you can be a success or a failure. You have the potential to be either of the two.

TRUTH 6

Never confuse vocation and calling. Vocation is what you do to earn money and pay your bills. You may be insanely good at it, even if you hate it. I know … I hate what I do to make a living. It is just a vocation. I am a writer by calling. I love to craft stories, tell tales (the taller, the better). But it does not pay my bills sadly. Hence I stick to my vocation.

TRUTH 7

This is ages old but can do with reminding …. Mistakes are progress. Every mistake teaches you something – even if it is just to be more careful the next time and not make it. So go ahead, mess up a bit. It may be fun, if may be horrible .. but it is better than sitting on your butt doing nothing.

TRUTH 8

If you hate someone, or dislike someone, it is your problem, not theirs. You may dislike a trait in the person, or have a bad relationship with the person … whatever. Just stop and think. Does it affect them? No! That person is just fine, the way he or she is. The problem is yours. Deal with it.

TRUTH 9

If you are making a decision in the heat of the moment, stop right there. You may be making a decision based on emotion. Those decisions can really harm you. Take time out, deal with the emotion first. Laugh, cry, rant, fight – whatever. Get it out of your system. Then take your decision. It will definitely be wiser and safer.

This is in italics because I need to learn and relearn this … sigh!

TRUTH 10

Opportunities are there in abundance – but their timings are always off. Grab them by the horns and make the best of them. I have rarely encountered one when I am free or have been wanting one. And most of them push me out of my comfort zone. I have let some of them slip away too, just because I was not ready, only to regret it later. Yes I am quite the mistress of inaction when faced with challenges. I have spent a lifetime learning and re-learning.

But then such pride commeth before a fall, as the Bible warns us.

Ishaan had been watching me closely. He decided to make his own book trailers. So he comes to me and says, “Ma, I want your software.”

I was like … Okay I’ll give it to you, but I let it slide. Knowing how much of a procrastinator I can be, he came with a usb, took the software and put it on his computer. He played around with it, and became so darn proficient. Sigh!!

I hate that. I was the pioneer of the Lalit household dammit, I researched, asked around and got the software – and he!!! He makes my trailer look so damn tacky! Not fair, I tell ya!

His next book is Sci Fi again. He loves the genre. Its a pretty interesting concept. Suppose there are six earths … parallel dimensions. They all have the same geography … and are peopled by humans. Suppose there was a master race and it had devices that enabled people to travel into these earths just like stepping into another room or something ….

Suppose ….

I tell you, the boy has a crazy over active brain

Watch the trailer for yourself and decide …

Oh …. Hexagon has a page of its own on Facebook. Do visit and like it here

I am replaying the trailer and feeling inadequate. Damn! The boy has talent

IHM asked if divorce should be granted if one party wants it irrespective of whose fault it is.

The question actually made me see red. My question is :- Who the hell decides who is at fault? Who the hell has the right to judge the workings of a marriage – i.e. apart from the couple in question. And then … this is India. Personal boundaries are crossed with impunity, inappropriate questions are asked. Heck, we even presume to force young people to get married, just because we don’t like the world populated by single people. It makes us insecure. If young people are able to withstand our bogeyman ‘LOG” there is no telling what they will do next.

In reply to the question :-

1. Marriage ceremonies are just that – ceremonies and the marriage certificate is just a legal roll of toilet paper. It does not tell of the true state of the marriage. A truly happy marriage does not need such social sanctions. I know this may come across as revolutionary but it is the truth.

2. Women are forced to stay married – by their parents. It is mainly because the dowry and the functions were so freakingly expensive. So parents would like the girl to shut up and stay married otherwise all that money has gone down the drain.

3. The social stigma about a separated/divorced daughter. Yeah, again that mysterious LOG who will say things. Dammit, I think the parents should grow up and face the fucking social stigma. They are not the girl staying in an abusive environment. They do not have to live with a hostile family. They do not get beaten/raped/abused/neglected if the marriage sours up. So why do they interfere?

4. The law babying Indian women. Oh really? The law is just some words written in the law book. It is not ground reality. The laws may be there – but they can be twisted, manipulated etc by the people who are in charge. Indian law does (on paper) have many clauses to help the woman. But the implementors belong to this patriarchal society and twist them with impunity.

5. The Indian husband … well no such thing exists. There is the ideal Indian son, ideal Indian brother and the ideal Indian father. I have yet to read any ancient fable or scripture extolling the virtues of an Indian husband. Of course you have many myths and legends about the dutiful Indian wife – Savitri is one that comes to mind right now. So given this background, I do not think we should be surprised that men are actually clueless about their duties as husbands. In every man there is a deep seated guilt about appearing to be a Joru Ka Gulam if he shows more consideration to his wife as opposed to his parents/siblings. If you can recall any story about a husband who sacrificed for his wife or favored her in a family argument, do enlighten me.

6. This is India, where daughters are the lesser human beings. In their parental home, they are the mother’s helpers, baby sitters for their younger siblings and of course … they embody the honor of the men in the family, so they have to be suppressed. In their marital home, they are the home makers, baby producers and again they embody the honor of the men in the family and hence have to be suppressed. So given this ground reality – where are they being babied? And the laws – well no one can make the law work for you, unless you yourself take control and make it work.

These are the grounds for filing for a divorce

# Involvement of the spouse of the petitioner in adultery or indulging in sexual relationships outside his/her marriage…. the onus of proving adultery is on the petitioner.

#Willfully deserting or abandoning the petitioner for a continuous period of two years prior to the filing for divorce in India…. again the complainant has to bring proof.

#Inflicting physical and mental abuses that may cause danger to life and health… here it gets hilarious. You have to prove that you have been denied food, been abused or mentally harassed. It is humiliating to stand in front of strangers and depose. And a standard legal petition for divorce has – as one of its clause – disrespecting the husband’s parents and denying them food.

#Sexually impotent or inability to involve in sexual intercourse. Oh yes I forgot – perverse sexual acts. Can you imagine a woman standing in court and describing such an act?

#Suffering from incurable diseases and insanity … the disease has to be infectious, serious and preferably sexually communicable. My lawyer wanted to put in AIDS Sheesh!!

# Conversion to another religion.

Nowhere is it given that marriage is a partnership and when the partnership is irretrievably broken down – the marriage is null and void. The question of babying women has never been there … and frankly speaking it does not baby the men either. They have conveniently been left out of it.

Yes, by all means bring in the “No Fault Divorce” law. It would be true to the spirit of marriage.

Heaven help people who do not actively participate (even naam ke vaaste) in these two. An atheist can not survive in this scenario and neither can an unmarried person. Of course there are a few intrepid souls who do, but I shudder to think how much it costs them to maintain such beliefs.

Shail of Shail’s Nest is not the only one who is facing such a problem. My DIL’s parents were facing such pressures, which is why they wanted to wed her as soon as she and Kid#1 said Aye. My friend Jayshree has two sons, both unmarried and a huge batallion of relatives who are showing her prospective brides … and … oh the list is endless.

Truly – matchmaking is a favorite occupation in this country. And be warned, that is not the only favorite occupation. Once the bride and groom are hitched, the kindly souls take it a step further – right into their bedrooms. They want to know why the kids havent procreated. One colleague of mine has a relative who actually sidled up to him and informed him the sexual position in which the sperm hits bullseye. “i’ve tried it. It works” the good man assured him.

Oooh I wish I had been there to hear this exposition.

Well, I have a big big grouse against Kid#1. I had spent years deliberating and thinking about a priceless line I would use to fend off such well meaning queries. He got married before I could use the line. I hope Kid#2 is not stung by Cupid’s arrow just yet. I have to use this line on some prissy dried up prune, once at least.

It would go somewhat like this :

Prune : When is your boy getting married? Anything fixed yet? Why is he not married yet? Something wrong with him? There is a nice girl we know who is good wife-material…

Me : He is too young for marriage.

Prune : Nonsense, he is over twenty and his education is over. You should not wait now. He may bring in someone unsuitable.

Me : If he gets home a woman, it would be fine. I may have issues about a gay match though.

(Yeah, I am gay phobic when it comes to my sons)

Prune : I know of a perfect match for him.

Me : My older one got married before me. Now I have to get married. I am older than Kid#2. Can you please look for a suitable match for me?

I think that would buy me and Kid#2 some time.

I hope the Prune does not come back with a list of “suitable widowers, divorcees” et all for me, though.

Folks, sympathise with me, puhleese.

Lots of spoilers ahead, but since you will be warned and wont waste money on such drivel, I think I can go ahead.

Mausam … you know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of the lines from The Song of the Ancient Mariner … We sailed like a painted ship upon a painted ocean.

Yeah, precisely. The story did not even move an inch. We have this girl and this boy, she is Kashmiri and he is a Punjabi. They meet at various intervals in a span of ten years. The world burns, but they keep mooning over one another.

All the disasters that can happen, they encounter

1. Mumbai bomb blast … check
2. Kargil War … check
3. 9/11 … check
4. Ahmedabad riots … check

All these things happen, they keep getting lovesick, and they dont even contact each other!!! Sheesh, havent they heard of mobile phones, facebook and smses???

She writes to him …

SNAIL MAIL?????

And lovesick couple, dont you get it? Even the Gods dont want you together, whenever you meet each other, terrorists strike!

Oh yeah – story

There isnt any

There is just the news items I am talking about, and their love.

And I dont know how it ended okay

I walked out once they miss each other at the Ahmedabad railway station.

Mausam is truly bad weather

Or worse

It is smogy, airless and boring

Its Sci Fi, its adventure and its very slick

The Facebook Page

“Have one kid, you become a parent. Have two and you become a refree”

Have adult kids … you still want to be a refree, but they will have none of it.

Younger dude has relapsed into teenhood. He has anxiety attacks, feels depressed because he is never going to amount to much, since he isn’t going to be a millionaire. SHEESH! Is this cue for me to feel like a failure because I am not a millionaire?

Kid#1 : Coming up with the only male solution to this : Let’s go have beer.

Kid#2 : Naah, I don’t feel like drinking.

My jaw hit the floor, as I opened the medicine drawer.

Never . In . My . Living . Memory . Has . Anyone . Refused . A . Drink . When . Feeling . Low

This was serious.

Kid#1 : Yeah! (Pushing him) You refusing? Let’s fight then!

Kid#2 : Angrily shrugging him off : Leave me alone!

Kid#1 : Fight me and I will.

Me : Stop it the two of you.

DIL : Let them! Wanna bet my husband will win? MY BABY STRONGEST!

Both of them angrily to us: You stay out of it!

Then they had a go at each other, a really intense one. The furniture and doors are still intact, mercifully. The thermometer I had taken out isn’t.

The depression is over … and they have gone for beer. MENS!!!!!

Case Two

DIL is eating muesli for dinner – she is counting calories.

Me : Eyeing the left over slices of banana : Are you finishing that?

(It would be a perfect guilt free desert)

DIL : Aggressively : Don’t look at that! I am going to finish it.

Me : Backing off : Its okay, just asking.

What’s biting her ass?

Kid#1 : (The Residential Peacekeeper) Why are you being aggressive?

DIL : She started it!

Me : ?????

DIL : Defensively : I am not wasting it.

Me : Sulkily : I only wanted a bite.

DIL : With a sunny relieved smile : Here, take all of it.

WOMENS!!!!!

Case Three

Kid#2 : Poking me in the stomach while I am doing something all important, like playing Empires and Allies on Facebook, while sitting on the bed.

Me : Angrily : Don’t poke me.

Kid#2 : Cheekily : I will

Me : Don’t!

Kid#2 : Poking me again : And what will you do?

Me : Losing it and slapping him hard.

Stunned silence in the room.

And then Kid#2 starts to laugh.

Kid#2 : Jeez Ma, is that the best you can do. That was such a cute slap.

BRATS!!!!

What with editing one book and writing another, I go through long periods of not knowing what to write on my blog

Plus this story is worth sharing : Thanks Dagny Sol, for sending it to me

I happened to come across this on a Friend’s Facebook Page sent to her by a friend of hers…took the liberty to copy/paste and forward because it is obviously true, heart warming and inspiring….

IITian and Rickshaw-wala….

There were two rickshaw-walas vying for our business, when we wanted to go to Sankat-Mochan temple in Benaras. I agreed to go with the one, who was about 20 years of age, seemed like a regular young rickshaw-wala, but I found something interesting about him. I was not proved wrong.

He wanted Rs 50, we said Rs 30. We settled for Rs 40.

Here are the highlights of the conversation that ensued, while we rode the rickshaw:

“Aap kahan se aaye hain?”

“Delhi.”

“Bijness, ya kaam karte hain?”

“Naukri karte hain.”

“Kismein?”

“Internet mein.”

“Humara bhi kuch wahin kaam lagwa dijiye.”

I just chuckled.

“Main try kar raha hoon engineering padhne kee. Achchi naukri lag jaayegi tab.”

“Achcha?” I asked a little interested.

“Haan, delhi mein Guru Gobind Singh Indraprashta University mein engineering ke liye apply kiya hai. Achchi hai woh university.”

“Haan, achchi hai”, I agreed.

“Haan, kal hee maine JEE bhi diya.”

“JEE matlab, IIT ka?”

“Haan, Joint Entrance Examination” he pronounced it perfectly.Just to make it clear to me what JEE stood for. “Mushkil hota hai exam.”

“Haan, 2 saal toh log padhte hee hain uske liye, asaan nahin hai.”

“Delhi mein Akaash coaching institute hain na?”

“Haan, hai.”

“Aapne kya padhai kee?”

“Main engineer hoon, aur phir MBA bhi kiya.”

“Kahan se engineer?”

“IIT Delhi se.”

He swung back, surprised, a little delighted, and smiled. “Ok,

aapke liye Rs 30.”

Swati and I laughed.

Swati asked “Padhai kab karte they IIT ke liye?”

“Bas, rickshaw chalaane ke baad raat mein”. Then he added

“Kismein engineering kee aapne?”

“Chemical.”

“Toh aapki Chemistry toh badi strong hogi.”

“Nahin, aisa nahin hai.”

He continued “Yeh bataiye….jab Mendeleev ne Periodic Table banaya tha tab kitne elements they usmein?”

Now it was my turn to get surprised. He was quizzing me. I said “Shayad 70-80.”

“No, 63″ he said sharply. “Kaunse element kee electronegativity highest hai?”

I didnt try too hard and said “Pata nahin.”

“Flourine”, he said confidently. Without a break he asked,”Kaunse element kee electron affinity highest hoti hai?”

Now I was laughing too and said “Nahin pata”

“Chlorine. toh aapka kaunsa subject strong tha?” clearly having proven that my chemistry wasn’t a strong point.

“Physics”, I said.

“Achha, Newton’s second law of motion kya hai?”

I thought I knew this one. “F=ma”, I said.

“Physics is not about formula, it is understanding concept!”, he reprimanded me in near perfect English. “Tell me in statement”

I was shocked.

I said “ok, Newtons second law, er….was….”

” ‘Was’ nahin, ‘is’!Second law abhi bhi hai!” he snapped at my use of ‘was’.

Surely, my physics wasn’t impressing him either. “Yaad nahin, I said”

“Force on an object is directly proportional to the mass of the

object and the acceleration of the object”, he said it in near perfect English. “Aapne M.Tech nahin kiya?”

“Nahin, MBA kiya”

“MBA waale toh sirf paisa kamana chahte hain, kaam nahin karte.”

“Nahin, aisa nahin hai, paisa kamaane ke liye kaam karna padta hai.” Didn’t think too highly of me apparently anymore.

In a minute we reached our destination. We got off and I told him that he must and should definitely study more, and that I thought he was sharp as hell. He took only Rs 30, smiled and began to leave. I got my camera out and said “Raju, ek photo leta hoon tumhari”. He waved me off, dismissed the idea and rode off before I could say anything more….leaving me feeling high and dry like a spurned lover.

Damn, what a ride that was! India is changing, and changing fast!!!