My poems

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I would rather be a lyric
Forever on the lip
Than be a classic
That memory lets slip

I would rather be single
And free to mingle
Than be a wife
Forever shackled and tied

I would rather be a smile
That brings in the world joy
Than be a reality show
Full of angry accusations and cries

I’d rather be chocolate cookie, freshly baked
Than a sugar free fat free eggless cake
So many things that I think I’d rather be
But most of all, I think I’d rather be me

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The plot about meeting and kissing greeting thickens

The law is laid down by Nancy for all such actions

So we shall bow and say a sedate hello

Rather than scorch eyeballs, we’re mellow

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Hear ye all significant others and brothers

The queen allows us to hug but not kiss

Think of all the effort and the bother

Think of all the fun you shall miss

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I heard a singer ask for a kiss on loan (udhar)

And gave away the states of UP and Bihar

I wonder whom she had kissed with skill

He gave her these states, just for that thrill?

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Do ye know what’s a Freudian slip ?

Its when you say what’s on your mind

At a very bad time it falls out of your lip

Doc what were you thinking, please opine

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Ode to Coffee

No, it not wicked that’s simply is not true

Coffee is a potent and divine brew

A well brewed pot shared with a friend

Is the recipe for an evening well spent

For a first date, nothing else will do

But meet at a Café and coffee for two

Its friendly, safe and not pricey

Nothing that one feels is dicey

When we meet old pals after a long long gap

And need a place to catch up with this and that

Yeah you guessed it, we will hit the Café

And order ourselves a whole lot of latte

And how can I write an Ode To the invaluable coffee bean

By not referring to the Irish mode Of adding to it whiskey and cream

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Kissa Blonde Ka

Sachi Yeh Kahani hai Sunlo Meri Jaan

Kahin is sheher mein thee ek kanya Suchie seedhi se pyari insaan

Kya kahon woh baneeee kaise blonde blonde blonde blonde Kaise blonde Fashion magazines dekhti

Bollywood ki heroines ko dekhti

Unke zulfon ko dekhti

Dekne ke baad apne ko dekhte

to use hota rone ka guman..ka guman

Sachi Yeh Kahani hai Sunlo Meri Jaan

Kahin is sheher mein thee ek kanya

Suchie seedhi se pyari insaan

Kya kahon woh baneeee kaise blonde blonde blonde blonde Kaise blonde Phir dosto, usne parlour mein liya appointment

Aur usne karaya apne zulfon ka treatment

Kuch hi ghanton ka der tha

Kuch hi paison ka pher tha

Ab ban gayi hai vo blonde blonde blonde blonde blonde

Ab ban gayi hai vo blonde

Disclaimer : Was watching Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na yesterday and got totally inspired Disclaimer 2 : Am not very comfortable with Hindi – so any resemblance to any Hair Colour Co. or Beauty Parlour is entirely your preference – No one has paid me to run ads for them

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People are making weird combinations

Yesterday I saw an ad on television

A wise guy combined his brother

With the pop-up action of a toaster

So Ashvina please beware Of possible combos-

do take care If you got combined with popcorn

You’d keep popping from dusk to dawn

If you got combined with the TV remote

The inane channels would get your goat

You’d keep flipping from dawn to dusk

between BBC, SONY, STAR & AAJ TAK

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An ode to Food

I am an inspired cook, never going by the book

I am original, and my recipes are never cerebral

I love my meat tender, I can not have it stale

If it were any fresher, It would walk off my plate

My food loves to prance, to jump, to dance;

My food bides its time, It waits for the chance!

As soon as there’s no one in the room;

tables and chairs become their ballroom!

My ladyfingers, so elegant and tender, play the piano.

Beans and drumsticks, drum a sensuous beat, and play the banjo

Elephant steak, whale lubber or a plain rhino

Slathered in sauce, they dance a sexy tango!

With grace, with taste, they drip from the ceiling

Drip grease on my head, it’s a great feeling!

Talented textures cover my feet.

Sensations in rhythm; squished in my seat!

They run down my leg; slide down in rows;

a flavored performance of mashed potatoes!

I don’t care, Oh its fun, I dare you to stare

It’s a yummy performance, full of fragrance

“Daag Ache Hote Hain” says the detergent advertisement

I only wish that they would also send me cleaning gents

Disclaimer 1 : I added vegetables too … to cater to all tastes

Disclaimer 2 : The cleaning gents I want and just that … to clean up

Assurance 1 : The food turns out very delicious if you bond with it

Assurance 2 : No one has died as yet after sampling my cooking

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Johnny Little wanted to kiss a fish
All on its thick and pouty lips
He put his face close to the fish tank
Did not even mind that it stank
A goldfish looked up at his face
And wondered who was invading its space
Jumped up and bit Johnny on his lips
Now Johnny Little talks with a lisp

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Naughty Arun,

Still peering down cleavages?
At our age its downright dangerous
It will get you into trouble
And you cant run on the double
Not being young and spry
Even though you could try
You’ll be stopped by your wheezes

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No one can beat dogs at being ass lickers
I love my pets but here comes the kicker
They love me dearly
bestow licks generously
A moment after they have licked their asses, the horrors!

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Queen Victoria’s very sick,
Prince Albert’s got the measles.
The children have the whooping cough,
And pop! Goes the weasel.

Daler Mehendi sang a song
His voice was mellow like treacle
But was overshadowed by Rock On
Pop Goes the weasel

Aishwarya’s acting is quite fake
Says the Hindu journal
But Rakhi Sawant takes the cake
Pop Goes the weasel

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A little boy’s logic

(These thoughts come from my sons during their nasty teens … I cant take credit for them)

Kisses blown are kisses wasted…..
A kiss isn’t a kiss unless it’s tasted…..
Kisses spread germs and germs are hated….
So Kiss me baby I’m vacinnated!

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Little Pappu in the hospital crib
Opened his teeny eyes and wondered
To his neighbour he burbled with a lisp
I think they stole your wiener

She bawled, she sniffled, she was angry
How, Why, Who committed this perfidy
“How am I supposed to survive
One entire life” yeah she was petrified

Pappu tried to console her
Smart boy, He was an early starter
Don’t worry, stop crying my dear
We’ll share mine, if you don’t get another

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Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
Georgie was happier, he found he was gay

Georgie’s tale gets kinky
He’ll be fond of attire slinky
May be he’ll even find a mate
Who is also of similar taste

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In memory of a well spent Sunday afternoon

There is something about wine
Happiness it brings to mind
A glass, two glasses seem benign
After that, who looks at the time?

There’s something about vodka and juice
Makes sworn enemies sign up a truce
The conversation ebbs and flows
Oh the giggles, wit it certainly bestows

There’s something about whisky
Or was it Gin? Or was it Brandy?
Who cares, I love what it did to me
I was supine, happy, floating…it was kicky
Ah yes I remember, it was Drambue

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I’d like to exercise, you know build up muscle
A Baileys in each hand, would cause no hassle
I’m lazy, should travel, sight see when I can
I’ll sail with Captain Morgan and never leave land
Coffee gives me acid, I really hate tea
Gimme my buddy Wieser, he’s good for me
When life throws a twister, life gives you pain
Health food doesn’t work, try some champagne
But you know what makes me grim
Its my pals when I order a bottle of Gin
Every one wants a sip and no one chips in

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He who trims himself to suit every one
will soon whittle himself away
So be obese, fat or thin, but be someone
Who loves himself and is fun and gay

It does not matter, colour, accent or girth
They are superficial or accidents of birth
Be yourself, be sincere and true
and soon people will truly love you

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Lemme tell you a tale
of a little girl called Gail
When she grew into a maiden
She was very innocent

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A little boy just about three
On the balcony, called excitedly

Mommy, Look, see the Mommy Horse
And added, Oh, & there’s a Daddy Horse

Mommy laughed and asked the lad
Little one, , How do you know that

He replied Daddy walks behind you
So I know, Daddy laughed “Its true”

I am an ass-man, Love your behind
I follow you, the view is divine

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Googleji says there are five types of hugs

And proceeds to describe them as such

The height, weight and strength of hugging

remaining constant and not varying

This is how people demonstrate caring

Hug #1 is usually amongst friends

And it really makes no difference

If they are of same sex or opposite

Short, warm, may involve a cheek kiss

Hug #2 is romantic used by lovers

Close and intimate, it gives shivers

It can occur at any time and in any position

Kissing is mandatory, it involves passion

Hug#3 seen in airports is the Hi / Bye hug

It is not to be confused with friendly hug

Though principle is the same it involves jumping

Around in circles with the person you are hugging

Hug#4 is the congratulations/greetings hug

Along with thumping on back as on a rug

And a kiss on the head, for the achievement

To show your admiration and such sentiment

Hug #5 is the last but very best of them all

Its given by a mother when the kid is small

It cures all the hurts and the pains of life

And makes for the child this world safe and nice

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Life is the ultimate chess game

Uncertain, exciting, full of thrill

It can set your blood aflame

Living a lifetime requires skill

There are no best moves

No one gives you cues

Sometimes you win, Great!!!

At other times you are the bait

White is not at all evil

Black is not the devil

Pawn can become King

Skill makes you win

The game of life is chequered

There are no magic catchwords

Its all about patience and strategy

Its no place for a cry baby

So plan your game, use your pawns

Live life fully from dusk to dawn

Gamers adept are playing having fun

Last man standing the game has won

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Having kids is a costly folly

All the credit I can get

My kids have a shopping hobby

And I get into debt

Ma Ma say most babes without guile

Mine gurgled and said Vi Sa with a smile

They’ve got PhD in shopping

I’ve got bankruptcy in offing

From X box to I phones

And branded clothes and gizmos

They buy the best they can get

My banking is a mess

I dream on and plot my vengeance

God please grant me tons of patience

When they give me grandchildren

I’ll train them to be shopping mavens

They’ll learn to ride escalators

As soon as they can crawl

Every waking moment

I’ll take them to the mall

When they are in their teens

Kings of shopping or Queens

I’ll suggest they be given credit cards

To fulfill all their dreams

My boys will fume my boys will cry

Much to my weary heart’s delight

I’ll train the darlings to cruise every aisle

And charge them to Dad’s card with a smile

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In the morning I read this strange news
Ministers are acting shocked and confused
Cheer leaders are causing them pain
By dancing at the IPL games

I wondered at the pathetic mental state
And the priorites of our leaders great
They don’t bother with crime and rape
But the Cheerleaders’ antics they berate?

Cheerleaders work happily, don’t break the law
They are not exploited, why the hooplah
Child labour, corruption, abuse gets me raw
Dance on pretty girls, I say Hurrah!

My observation to the moral brigade
Our culture’s strong, don’t be afraid

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On the day my son turned nine

I thought that ‘twas about time

he learnt of the birds and bees

Of Adam and Eve, birth of babies

So I called in the reinforcements

Rang up his dad, said you’re the gent

Get on the job, do the needful

Tell the kid, we gotta be careful

Dad turned up, sheepish and red

It was a job he seemed to dread

On the couch they both sat and whispered

They then chuckled and broke into laughter

Apparently the father’s information was dated

The son knew more, his dad he educated

His school though expensive was modern and sharp

Their Sex Ed Classes were thorough and smart

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Played Kenny Rogers in my car in the morn

With his lovely tuneful voice I sang along

Can not run the long arm of the law, he sang

Velvety voice, simple words with western twang

Still humming the words, I logged into FPR

Came face to face with Ash’s new avatar

Policewoman, nice uniform, where’s the baton

Ravin, your catty diet you better abandon

Can not run the long arm of the law
No you can not run the long arm of the law
Said Kitty with a smile
I know you’ll hide a while
But you can not run the long arm of the law

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The menu was decided

Sandwiches and cutlets

French fries and chocolate

And all the 9 year olds invited

Armed with my recipe books

Into the kitchen I charged

What I clearly overlooked

Was my family which barged

My 9 year old, the birthday boy

I pacified with his He Man toys

My 1 year old, the crawler

I put into his pretty stroller

Our pet spaniel Brandy

I gave him his chewy

Cracked a dozen eggs into the sugar

And started whipping the cake batter

For some strange reason I don’t understand

He Man suddenly flew like Super Man

I jumped up, I’d taken a fright,

The batter spilled, to Brandy’s delight

He Man’s owner charged to the rescue

He slid and skidded into the goo

The baby wanted what Brandy was eating

So the stroller tipped, and he happily joined in

In moments, what was a cooking project

Had turned into an unholy mess

Dusting myself I got to my feet

What I saw nearly made me weep

Three little things covered with flour and sugar

So swallowing my tears, but feeling bitter

I hauled them into the loo and under the shower

And ordered the cake from the nearby baker

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Queenhood you bestow, why, we’re all regal

From tip to toe, from ear rings to bangles

Queenhood we have, so we don’t need

A crown from you, we are royal indeed

United we are, we believe in team work

Our sisterhood is strong, and as a perk

We attack you clowns who run berserk

You abandon your partners, we network

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DEAD MAN WALKING

What a macabre thought

Okay, should I be writing

A sad and soulful epitaph?

But mush I don’t do

So now to bid you adieu

And crown a new jester

This verse I shall profer

Here lies to druid along with his cauldron

He lost a game of wit, his verses did gladden

Our hearts and our minds

He did have a way with rhyme

Now his loss do our hearts sadden

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Aha, so I have the rhymers permission

To weave a tale of forbidden passion

Between Arun Bond and Mast Madhuri

Who met as teenagers on a trip to Missouri

They were young, passion had its sway

But life and different ambitions had their way

Bond made a career killing and sleuthing

Madhuri entered the field of dance and singing

They meet again in their early twenties

In a London disc where Arun took his latest gal Jenny

If looks could kill, Arun would have been dead

Confused he settled for hugging Jenny instead

The wattage of Madhuri’s smile dimmed down

She vowed that there would be a face down

See she had been pining for her 1^st love, the clown

Who was hugging another in front of the whole town

She stormed away in a huff

And married the local tough

And got bored with domesticity

Which indeed was a pity

6 years later our characters meet again

This time, Madhuri is on vacation in Spain

Bond has to kill a presidential candidate

Oh woe, it is her husband he has to eliminate

Anger, tears, tantrums did passion ignite

Bond, his actions was to bitterly regret

He still loved her, he began to realize

Somehow they ended up together in bed

The angry husband found them in throes of passion

He saw red, they were in such a condition

They come to blows, which just shows

The last 15 mins of a movie is just action

After 10 mins Bond kills the hubby

and earns gratitude of the virodhi lobby

And walks into the Spanish sunset

With Madhuri beautiful in a corset

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I agree there is too much food on the thread

Sheba n I would settle for soup n bread

For the mirror played tricks with the glaring light

And showed that my clothes were just too tight

Dear God on bended knees I pray

Give me strength to stay away

From the left-over pizza with ham and cheese

The cake with frosting that tastes so sweet

Mirror my friend please lie to me

Show me exactly what I wanna see

My figure youthful, slim trim and lean

Looking fab in a pair of blue jeans

Dear God, on bended knees I pray

Give me strength to stay away

From the fridge, it tempts me to give in

But my flab warns me, it’s a DEADLY SIN

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Double double toil and trouble

Fire burn and cauldron bubble

Druid Ravin is on a cooking spree

Wants us to guess his latest recipe

Will your brew make us fly

Grant us the gift of second sight

Is your cauldron charmed by Hecate

Will it make us lose some weight???

By the pricking of my thumbs

Something important this way comes

Ravin I think made a charm firm and good

He has discovered the elixir of youth

When she turned thirteen
and certain changes happened
Whispers gave her wings
In her early teens

But she was confused
By things she saw on telly
She saw stuff red and used
On TV she saw blue jelly

Poor little innocent Gail
She came out of the loo pale
I am ill, I am dying she wailed
Things that should turn blue have failed