Women and Compliments

What’s with us women? Why do we constantly need morale boosting, I wonder. Whether its a little girl of 7 years, a confident career woman at 30, or a mature woman at 50, we can never hear enough “I am proud of you” “You look beautiful in that” “Thank you for supporting me” “Thank you for taking care of me” “You are doing a great job”.

I was at a cousin’s house the other day. She has two children, a girl aged 10 and a boy about 4 years old. The girl was busy drawing something. During the course of the visit, she brought her drawing book to be admired. We praised her efforts. The little boy looked at her work and like all brothers laughed and rubbished her efforts. The poor thing had tears in her eyes, her world totally shattered. Angrily she said, “My drawing is good” which was replied with “No it isnt” It all degenerated into the classic “Yes it is” and “No it isnt” slanging match. Her father came in, was called to arbitrate, and said sweetly “Of course my love, your drawing is beautiful”. The smile on her face was ecstatic. Her father, the main man in her tiny life, had praised her efforts. She was in heaven!!!

My daughter in law will put on a dress and then spin and dance in the living room. While she is spinning she says “Look at me, isn’t my dress beautiful!” She is the classic independent, confident, grown up woman but there is a little girl deep down spinning around saying “Look at me, tell me I am beautiful”.

The men in our lives should know that they need to affirm and reassure their wives and daughters. If they don’t build their women up and make them feel safe, someone or something else will fill that hole. We dont want TV or a magazine telling us what is beautiful or trying to fill that hole. The longer we wait for the man in our lives to start telling us that we are precious to them, the longer it takes for us to be fulfilled. It is really our souls that have been poisoned with insecurity – for all our lives. Doubt and worry are our constant companions, “Am I good looking enough?”, “Do I look fat?”, “Am I a good cook/home-maker?” “Am I failing at work?” “Am I good mother?” “Am I a good wife?”

Hey men, whatever might be the response you get to your compliments, please please keep on at it. We need your encouragement to boost our morale.

Friends, Chocolate, Good food and Wine

Sounds like a recipe for a Saturday night party. In my opinion, it is the recipe for a perfect life. The thing I like best is being a Mom. The blind adoration in a child’s face more than pays for all the labour pains, sleepless nights and diaper duty. Of course now that my sons are grown up, they find me slow, outdated and can see a million faults in me which they point out mercilessly. Still they are my best company, when they do take time out from slaying the million dragons they have to slay and spend some time with me. But in this day and age young men of 18 years and above have to go out, slay dragons and secure their own kingdoms. Moms don’t feature in their “must do” lists.

A close second is friendship. I was painfully shy and a bookish introvert when I came to the university from a small town where everyone knew everyone. Until then, I had never realized how much effort it took to make friends, and keep them. I made a few friends, but then life happened. One got married and we never heard from her again. Another went abroad for further studies. Yet another is a person I have unspoken miscommunication with. Don’t ask me what that means. We just don’t speak the same language (verbal or non verbal!!!) That left two of us. She moved to another town, but we kept in touch. Twenty years later, with so much water under the bridge, we still call each other. I would love it if she became net savvy – she does not know how to work a computer. Thank goodness for telephones, we call each other regularly. When I feel weak, I call her for courage. She helps me toward that place where I can laugh about my life and struggles. She, bless her soul, thinks I am very strong and very very practical. I’m not very strong in myself, but I become stronger through friends like her.

When my marriage was breaking up, she literally was with me every step of the way, on the other end of the line. When she had bad times, I was with her. It never mattered that she lives far away. The physical distance was unimportant, the phone was there. It is truly a friendship to cherish.

Over the years, I have made other girl friends. Life with them is like slowly eating a bar of chocolate. It is a rich smooth experience. Okay, I’ll admit, I am a full blown chocoholic. Very few things in life are as good as chocolate. Motherhood and Friendship both are as satisfying as chocolate. Did you know that researchers and scientists have suggested that chocolate contains compounds that can help maintain a healthy heart, good circulation, and reduce blood clotting? Another research has found that women with friends were less likely to develop physical impairments as they aged.

I enjoy being a Mom, a career woman, cooking for my family, and my various hobbies. But I need friend time too. It is important. We women get together and talk about botox, face packs, the latest diet or even serious earth shaking stuff like Abhishek–Aishwarya’s marriage. We talk up a storm, children, finances, relationships, best deals, sales, whatever. I come back from these sessions with a ‘feel good’ emotion, happily planning another session. Just like a piece of chocolate – it leads to another!!!!

One might wonder what good food and wine have to do with all that I have written. They are also very important in life