First the disclaimer: I swear upon my honor to the entire blogosphere that I am not a man hater. I will write about the different kinds of women that have made an impression on me soon.
MR. TOWEL PAKDANA : This type was immortalized by Rani Mukherjee in HUM TUM. He goes through life oblivious of any and everything in his own home, or may be thinks that it is beneath his dignity to know the geography of his own home and kitchen. He often calls his wife the Missus and treats her like an appendage. He delegates domestic help, budget, kitchen and children to her. He often has to check up with the Missus which year his child was born. Commonly found standing in the kitchen looking helplessly at the fridge and yelling “I want a glass of water!”, and hoping the fridge will open and pour it for him impressed by his lung power.
MR. SPORTS CHANNEL : This type saves his all his sick and casual leaves for sporting events like India vs. Pakistan cricket matches, Olympics, Football finals etc. Wife, children, family and job are slotted into non-sporting days. He will save all his money to buy a huge plasma screen for the living room and forbid all family members to tune it to any channel which is not sports oriented. Commonly found settled in the couch cheering sweaty players on the screen with a can of beer in one hand and the remote in the other.
MR. YAARON KA YAAR: This type is normally seen with his male friends singing “Yeh Dosti Hum Nahin Chodenge” and walking into the sunset arm in arm with them. Women for him are aliens, he can check them out, talk to them only at a superficial level – but can not understand them. At some level he is scared of them. Commonly found chilling out with male friends in a large group.
MR. GYM: He lives for his body and his muscles. He is muscular, and loves to wear singlet or tight T shirts to show his biceps that are impressive. He guzzles protein drinks pops pills if he is urban, can digest any no. of aloo paranthas and white butter in one sitting. Girls? Kids? Family? Who are they??? Nothing intrudes his single minded focus on his body beautiful. Commonly found lifting weights in the gym.
MR. MAJNU: This type lives for the babes. He dreams of them, follows them, studies them, and has an insatiable urge to meet more and more of them. One babe is not enough for him, his cell phone and orkut/facebook friends list has only women. He is a good listener, can talk to women all the time. His mother, the neighborhood ladies love him and call him sweet. He cultivates the ladies because then he gets to know their daughters. Commonly found hanging around his younger sister to get introduced to all her friends.
MR. MONEY BAGS: This type is normally a self made man, who struck gold at some point in life and kept on succeeding because that is the only game he knows in life, and he plays it well. He thinks his duty is to primarily earn money for this family. His home, his trophy wife and trophy children, his mistress, his clothes, his cars, his liveried servants are all carefully designed to display his success to the world at large. Commonly found in a 5 star hotel’s bar with Page 3 type of people discussing the latest deal to make more money.
MR. WORKOHOLIC: He thinks that the office will die if he does not put in at least twelve hours of work. He bullies his subordinates, bulldozes the support staff, sucks up to seniors and keeps a close eye on the office politics. He convinces himself that his and his family’s survival depends upon which way the wind blows in his office. His wife’s career is not important; neither are his children’s grades. His work and his success are of paramount importance. Commonly found getting updated on office politics near the coffee vending machine.
MR. MUMMY’S LAADLA: This type left his own personality and brains in the deep freeze and decided very early in life that Mom would do his thinking, his living, his decision making for him. He will eat what his mother thinks is good, chose a career that his mother approves, his friends will be vetted by his mother and will marry the girl his mother selects. Commonly found hanging on to his mother’s pallu, so what if he is forty years old.
MR. JOORU KA GULAM: He is mortally afraid of his wife. Spends half his life running away from her, and the other half bending over backwards to fulfill her every whim. He is normally a Mr. Mummy’s Laadla who has shifted allegiance to wife. Commonly found in the nearby ahaata downing liquor avoiding territorial wars being waged at home between wife and mother.
MR. FIRST DAY FIRST SHOW: If it did not happen in a movie, it did not happen at all. He even classifies PVRs by the popcorn they serve. If he can not get the tickets of a movie on the day it is released, he is inconsolable. He can travel to another city to see the movie. His idea of a date is a movie, his idea of a celebration is a movie and his idea of a party is a movie with a burger in the interval, and a vacation means four days off from work and 40 DVDs to watch. Nothing else matters – job, family, children, wife all are secondary to the latest celluloid offering in town. Commonly found in shady places buying all the pirated DVDs that he can afford.
There are other types too, but these are the main ones, the others are mixtures of two or more types
