No one can hurt you more than your teenager

Nothing, truly nothing hurts a parent more than their spawn. All of my sons’ friends think that I am the coolest Mom ever …. and they wish that their parents had even a fraction of my “chilled out and cool attitude” (their words, not mine) and here I have kids who don’t even want to spend time with me and don’t think that I am fun. I don’t get it. Kid #1 would rather meet his friends somewhere far away from home. He and DIL will go out, and then come back late into the night. Kid#2 is actually embarrassed about me. I don’t behave like other Moms, and I use language that is similar to theirs, watch their kind of movies and listen to their kind of music. His friends like my company – which embarrasses him. Go figure that one out. It is weird. Reminded me of that Bon Jovi song which was so popular “Shot through the Heart”

So I did my research {thank you Googleji} and found out that this is normal. It is called fouling up the nest. Can you imagine, there is actually a term for this!!! Apparently kids are growing up and want to leave but since they are very close to the parents, they need to create increased levels of conflict that can provide a propellant, without which maybe many youngsters might find it difficult to leave. The entire article is very illuminating and can be read here.

 

I really have to show off my link making capabilities (:))

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11 thoughts on “No one can hurt you more than your teenager

  1. Gosh, so is this where my daughters ‘U harrow me’ comes from!! Now I know and Ritu, your providing the llinks is so Kewll, U rock!!

  2. Children – we cant live with them and we cant live without them ….. so I guess we can just love the insane buggers till we die right ?

  3. I’ve just spent the last half hour on your blog.. i LOVE it!!! you are completely cool. You absolutely rock… and do foul the nest and throw your kids out. i’ll move in instead!

  4. I wud like to offer a different perspective-
    1. the kids want to stay away probably becoz they feel restricted in adult company
    2. they need space in the same way adults need space from their children. it’s all situational i think.
    3. it’s great that you r so cool! frankly we need parents like that to understand the youngster’s point of view. God knows what kind of stuffy parent i ‘ll make in future. i am sure the kids love that aspect but yet again, they may not want you around everytime they sit with their friends discussing stuff which they wudn’t want anyone’s parents to know.
    for example i wudn’t want my MIL or mom to get all updates on how often hubby & i used to meet on the sly before marriage. And if a friend from college days comes home, I wud rather be teased in private than in front of my MIL or mother- hope i am making my point.
    probably if your kid’s friends come home, u cud join them for aq quick chat & then smoothly walk off giving them space. then they wud be encouraged to get their friends home.

  5. Aha, I knew there must be some reason. Thank you Itchy for pointing it out to me. Yeah I will do as you suggest. Thanks 🙂

  6. Hi – Thanks a lot for posting the link to that very illuminating article . Helps me understand my 18 year old a little better !

  7. I spend time with my best friend’s mum a lot, quite often without my best friend. I get on really well with her and appreciate her advice and worldly knowlegde.

    Being 19, I think I’ve got past that stage with my parents. I hope I have anyway.

    Maybe you have …. the age for outgrowing that shit varies

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