GET ME TO THE MANDAP IN TIME
During the period between the Roka and the actual wedding both the boys wanted to know more about the rituals from all and sundry. I could not help much since I am (their words) irreverent, have a corny sense of humour and can not resist the temptation to exaggerate with the sole purpose of torturing my sons. So I smiled sweetly and told them weddings are womens’ things and they would be spared all the drama 😉
Poor Kid#1 – he fell for it.
By this time DIL and I had bonded extremely well. Nothing bonds women better than shopping for clothes and jewellery, I must say. I rang her up and related this entire conversation to her. We were in splits. Oh yes, another common ground for bonding is ganging up together on the poor man sandwiched between wife and mother. Deliciously wicked 😉
Kid#1 was being given much bhav by his in-laws. It reminded me of fattening of a calf before slaughter and I said so. Ouch!!! Sundry friends and relatives enlightened me that soon my son would change his loyalties etc. etc. Duh! I am the most un-maternal parent, and would love it if someone else took charge of my brats. Besides, he had been like an angry porcupine lately … what with all that shopping and other chores, that I was looking forward to handing him over, quills and all to his wife.
D.Day dawned and he got his first nasty surprise. We had the haldi ceremony. He had firmly told me that he would have none of that nonsense. DIL and I had sweet-talked him into agreeing to a small ritual. What he did not realize was that all his pals were waiting in the sidelines. As soon as he sat down, they pounced.
Second nasty surprise … I had called some beauty parlour guys home for the bridegroom. He looked at me totally baffled and said, “I am not getting all this shit done” I smiled sweetly, picked up my mobile and asked while punching the number “Should I tell DIL? She suggested that we do this.” Poor guy, he had just washed all that haldi stuff off himself and he got a face pack on. After the manicure and pedicure, the guy asked, “Sir, nail polish ka shade select karo” and Kid#1 turned purple as his eyes dared me to react.
Third nasty surprise …. The flower guys came to decorate the nuptial bed. I wisely disappeared at this point, and the various relatives had a field day pulling the groom’s leg. He refused to get the bed decorated, so a compromise was achieved. Just two huge flower arrangements in the bedroom – thank you so much.
Some of the ladies sweetly told him “Go to sleep beta, its going to be a long night”. I must say, no one but a Punjaban can deliver such a simple line with such a wicked punch. Kid#1 stomped off muttering huffily, “I feel like a pansy, I even smell like one! Gah! Even my room smells girlie” LOLL, Yeah kiddo, you better get used to it.
Fourth nasty surprise … he had put his foot down firmly …. no ghodi (horse). When we stepped out, there was this ghodi. I pacified him with the now standard plea, “Beta rituals etc etc and your FIL wanted you to at least sit on one for a photo”. He could have killed me then, but then who would do all the work? He climbed on sullenly for a few photos and got down and we left for the venue.
Fifth nasty surprise … another ghodi was waiting for him at the venue. He did not throw a tantrum there … all his lovely sister in laws were waiting inside the gate, smiling at him. He climbed on and we reached the gate with much fanfare. Phew!!!!
Once there, I escorted him to his throne …. and sat down to watch as the bride’s family took over. My baby, I had him to myself for 24 long years and I love him to bits. He looked so handsome. Good Luck, my little Prince – may you and your bride have a wonderful life together.