It was a long weekend, from Friday to Sunday. We should have actually chilled out at home, got on each others nerves, fought, made-up, but being us, we opted to go meet far flung relatives from one end of Delhi to the other. It was holiday and the only time for family bonding etc. Can you see the halo around my head? It is there I assure you, and it shines more than the Suraksha Chakkar of Colgate. If you strain to listen, I swear you can also hear the heavenly choir playing celestial music in approval.
Two of my nieces (daughters of cousins) are getting married. They were asking Kid#1 and DIL’s advise on marriage. It took all my self control to not laugh out openly and just smile and listen to the various idealistic crap they dished out – like share each other’s hobbies, respect each other, and such like stuff.
If you ask me (I know you did not, but I am going ahead anyway)
Marriage is an ongoing relationship. It freaks me out when they show crap like “And they lived happily ever after” in movies. WTF? How unreal can you get? Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Relationships grow rights and duties and money issues get negotiated and re-negotiated. Children are born, parents are looked after etc. There is no “happily ever after” in this scenario. It grows into something fantastic if you are lucky or wise – or both.
My Uncle told me – no not the Conan fan, the older and more philosophical one, that a great marriage is like a duck. When you watch a duck swimming – it looks as though it glides smoothly, but the actual truth is that it is paddling like hell under the surface of the water.
In the interest of a happy marriage, ladies, never get your husband to teach you how to drive, and men never go shopping for the dress or the shoes with your wife. What the hell, shop separately, and yes, do please try to keep two different televisions. It will keep your sanity and the remote intact.
The best advice I ever got was to fight fair. Every one has their own unique style of fighting. Some people sulk for long periods and pass snide comments. Some attack the moment they feel their turf is being invaded with the subtlety of a bull-dozer. Others sugar coat their venom and throw up deceptive veils while they bleed you and some others will use a well aimed single deadly knife to cut you deep. Whatever the style – declare war and then use your weapons with honor. And for God’s sake be rational. After ten years of marriage, don’t come out with a statement like “Your second uncle from your father’s side embarrassed me with his behavior at our wedding” at midnight. One can not call parents right then and ask them to confirm the rights or wrongs about this statement.