Wrestling at my age

“A Grandchild is every grandparent’s worst dreams of revenge come true in hope…”

Erma Bombeck

What I really want to have is the Iphone …. but I digress. My long term plan is to have tons of grandchildren … but it is something I have no control over. I mean, I have got Kid#1 married – but he refuses to have children (spoil sport) – perhaps because he knows what my evil mother plan is. I want to spoil the grandchildren silly and when they are teenagers, gracefully withdraw from action and watch the fireworks munching popcorn. It is going to be more entertaining than the movies, and my maternal angst will be satisfied. Kid#2 has a long way to go – and who knows if he also comes up with the “No Kid Clause”. Brats!!!

One of the perks of being a single Mom is that I get lots of alone TV time when I get back home from work. I don’t have to wrestle the remote from Ex – I can pretty much queen it in my bed room. Outside that domain is another story … sigh! I was watching Aastha Channel (who am I kidding!) WWE when the door opened and my 5’10” husky Kid#2 barged in. I smiled a sweetly maternal smile (Translation: I’ve been found and there is no escape Damn It! )

Kid#2 : Ma

Me : (With eyes on the TV) Hunh!!

Kid#2: Ma …. Ma …. MAAAA, I’m gonna keep bugging you until you answer in sentences

Me : How much do you want?

Kid#2 : How about 2 Lakhs?

Me : What did you say? Why?!!!!

Kid#2: Smirking : Thought that would get your attention!

Climbing on the bed and smiling at me invitingly he adds – “Wanna wrestle?”

I deferred. I was happy sitting on my ass watching those hunks sweat it out. Why should I?

“Go ask Bhai to wrestle with you”, I said. He looked at me, smiled patronizingly and added

“Buddhe ho gaye ho. Stop ogling at hunks. Sudhar jao.”

Such a cheeky brat. Don’t know where he gets that from. He must have inherited it from his father’s side of the family tree.

STOP LAUGHING!

That was it. Dammit I am not old. I am in my prime. And I’ll be damned if I let an 18 year old that I birthed sass me like that and get away with it. So tossing caution to the wind I said “Ho jaye”

He giggled in delight and then things got a little rough. Sure he is young and he is tall and I am just 5’1”, but I have had years of experience watching wrestling and know (in theory at least) about arm holds and suplexes and choke-holds. Plus I grew up scrapping with brother and cousins. Also I have fatty power. Soon I had him at my mercy. He was lying on his back on the bed and I was sitting on him and all was well in my maternal world. It is then that I realized that may be, just may be I am not as young as I think I am. My bladder is no longer my friend. I really had to go ASAP! So making the best of the situation, I grinned and said “Say sorry, Ma, you are supreme” and I will get off you.

Kid#2 replied : You are fat and heavy.

And then he bucked under me, I lost my balance and my head hit the headboard. Ouch! I saw multicoloured stars and got off him in a hurry and rushed towards the bathroom. He quickly caught up with me, full of concern and said “Ma, are you okay”, while he held me and tried to check my head for injuries.

My pride would not give in. I just smiled bravely and said : “Okay granted, I am old and you are right up there with Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins and Edge”, while I tried desperately to slip out of his arms as my bladder screamed for release. He still held on to me while I held on to my control. The bathroom was just a step away. I gave up even though I knew there would be hell to pay and growled : Listen kiddo, let me go. I gotta go pee

I few minutes later, I came out to see him smirking with youthful superiority “I am sorry Ma, did not mean to make you lose control”

“I did not lose control” I said icily. Damn him and his youthful leak-free bladder.

“Ya Ma, I understand, its not your fault your body is falling apart. Hai Rey Budhapa”

Yeah he is pure evil. And I was overwhelmed with maternal affection. At the dinner table later in the evening, he announces in a snide voice “Ma is in her second childhood. We need to get her adult diapers”.

No I do not need adult diapers yet. I need six grandsons who are taller and bigger than you and who will whup your ass while I cheer in the sidelines. Creep!!