Male – speak

This one comes from years of experience raising two boys but the catalyst for this post was a friend I was chatting with yesterday.  He has built his business from scratch and actually employs people to do work.  I am totally in awe of such a feat.  I asked him “Hey, Wassup?” and the answer was “Nothing”.  I dont own a business and I dont employ people and send them all over the place to deliver and install hi tech stuff, and still manage to have lots to talk about.  What is Nothing anyway.  My boys would chatter like magpies till they reached the age of 8 and onwards.  Then prying information about their day, school etc was like as though I was Momma Cop and information divulged would be used to incriminate them and might even get them arrested. Hmmm maybe that was it …….

Men speak a different language, that’s for sure

I broke up with her

She dumped me

I cant find it

It did not fall into my outstretched hands so I don’t know where the hell it is

Can I help with dinner

I am starving

I know exactly where we are

We are lost and I am not going to ask for directions

I don’t need to read the manual

I can mess it up completely on my own

I think we should be friends

You’re ugly/fat/both

It’s a Guy thing

I don’t know why I feel so, but won’t admit that its totally illogical and irrational

Mom/Honey I bought you flowers

I am going for a stag party tonight and this is a bribe so that you don’t make me sleep on the couch when I get back

Mom/Honey I bought you flowers

The babe selling them was hot

It’s a really good movie

Its got guns, knives, fast cars, hot babes

Nice dress

Nice cleavage

Let’s talk

I’m trying to impress you with my sensitive side because I want to have sex with you

What do you mean, you need new clothes

I hate shopping

Yes, that one is nice

Why do you ask me this always when you’re shopping,  You are not going to listen to me any way

You look fabulous

Oh please for Godsakes, take this one.  I am starving and tired

That one looks good one you

Pick any one and lets get out of here

I missed you

The house is a mess, I cant cook and am out of money, I cant find any thing

I bought you a present

It came free with my beer

I’ll call you

Next

I had her

In my dreams

Mom/Honey, Do you really love me?

I did something stupid and you’re going to find out soon

Mom/Honey, Do you really love me?

I maxed out the credit card and the bill is due

 

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16 thoughts on “Male – speak

  1. lol !!! reminded me of the book men are from mars and women are from venus…. that book has a lot of these as well as what women mean when they say something

    Yeah, that book helped me understand my sons, very well written it was

  2. You are the best, hands down!
    I always find it weird when men say ‘nothing’ when I try to build a convo! Hmph

    I agree, I end up feeling like punching their noses

  3. I say “nothing” when I don’t want to get into a long boring conversation, not necessarily out of dislike for the person, but maybe I’m in an introvert(ish) mood? 😀

    Liked this post of yours, though many of the things you mention don’t agree with me 😀

    Its not dislike, Ravin, its just that male-speak and female-speak is different – just like when women say they have nothing to wear when they actually have a full wardrobe

  4. Boy !
    This is gender discrimination ! 🙂

    ( Pssst….i hear mostly women talking above !! )…lol

    No CP there are men talking too – and the blog honours the male speak 😉

  5. totally and completely hilarious 🙂 really curious now to know what my mum thinks when i come up with something along those lines 🙂

    Ask her Saurabh, ask her 😀

  6. I laughed and laughed when I read this one ..and forgot to comment ..so here I am again ..love to read your musing …lolll…. thanks Ritu ..will read between the lines now …gosh …[:d]the list is educating …

    Yeah, now you have a ready reckoner for the times you don’t understand Lucky or the boys 🙂

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