Being a single mom … Mother’s Day

I have been a single Mom since Kid#2 was 2 years old, and Kid#1 was 10 ……

Sorry to burst your bubble! This is not a Main Bechari post, because its been great! It has dawned upon me bit by bit that the only essential thing one has to have to play any role in life is one’s own self. The rest is …. peripherals I guess. When I realized that I would be single Mom, I literally quaked in my shoes! My generation was brought up on the image of Durga Khote dressed in white toiling endlessly on a sewing machine, or Rakhee telling her tormentors “Mere Karan Arjun ayengey, zaroor ayengey!” In truth, the scenario is different. My sons would actually say “Stop or My Mom will Shoot!”

The lessons learnt in life have been plenty, and I am blessed with excellent hindsight, totally 6/6

1. You need to be financially solvent. Yes, the ability to pay your bills is a big blessing, it shuts up the doomsday kind of well-wishers and also keeps critics at bay. Plus it gives you a sense of power that gets the kids in line too (this is a big blessing!)

2. You need to be emotionally solvent. As a mother, I realized that I could not love and nurture them unless I felt happy with myself. For that I needed to stop blaming others. I needed to know what I am, a flawed human being, and needed to be friends with myself. Only then could I parent my kids. It is at this point that the biggest love story of my life began! I discovered I loved me and so I could love others too.

3. You need to be “in” on your kids lives. Yeah, that means, use their language, try and make sense out of their rock music (even if it threatens to dislodge your dental fillings) and play basket ball with them even if your knees get tortured, and be friends with their friends. I did that, and what do you know, I even lost some minuscule amount of weight. Having youthful friends made me feel young myself!

4. You need to have a life of your own. This is a “gyan” that dawned on me slowly. I went overboard being with the boys and forgot to live my own life for a bit. Luckily I realized before they kicked me out of their lives. I have my life now, my friends, the net, and I have them too. Pretty good eh?

5. You gotta realize that The Buck Stops Here. Face it, you are the parent, and there is no one you can fall back on, for discipline or for financial help. I always wanted that sigh! To wave a menacing finger at the buggers and say “Just wait until Daddy gets home”, but I guess I managed pretty well eh?

6. Dont take yourself and your parenting skills seriously. Remember you are just doing the best you can with all sincerity and one day these *&^%$# are going to turn around and tell you pompously that you are a bad parent. Just smile and promise yourself that you will spoil their kids silly and turn them into insufferable horrors. It is the best you can do!

Being a single mother is eventful and demanding. It is rewarding too. Your kids may not thank you, but they can not take away the pleasure and pride you feel at seeing them stand tall and oh so grown up, interact intelligently and be independent.

As for gratitude????

It is past one in the afternoon. The ba*&^ds have not even wished me a Happy Mother’s Day as yet, forget about getting me some measly flowers!

Edited to add : They came to my office (yes I was working today even tho its a Sunday) with a chocolate cake!!! Aint that lovely?

Happy Mother’s Day

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30 thoughts on “Being a single mom … Mother’s Day

  1. Ritu, I am so happy that your page fully opened for me to comment today. After ages.

    Yeah, had some unnecessary html that clogged the site. Edited it out, so it loads better

    So let me start by saying ‘Happy Mother’s day to a wonderful strong and absolutely howlarious mother’.

    Thanks, the SOBs still have not wished me

    1. Yay.

    2. “As a mother, I realized that I could not love and nurture them unless I felt happy with myself.” That is atmost important.

    3. Ha..ha..ha

    4. Absolutely and that is why I wrote Empty Nest post. We should never forget self.

    Love your 6th.

    😀 Yeah, the motto is, never take yourself seriously and dont think of yourself as perfect

  2. Hats (ok dupatta for me ) off to a super mom..dont stress too much over the kids forgetting today. You have done great with them and you know it (and they know it too) bus they are boys and have a recessive gene which makes it difficult for them to verbalise their gratitude!!

    Genetics, I think. They have my genes. They waited till I put up this blog post to drop into office with a chocolate cake to celebrate Mother’s Day! Horrors 😛

  3. Here’s to cool mums the world over.

    Gin/Vodka Martini/ Bloody Mary/ Scotch on the rocks, take your pick!

    All of them, and Vodka Martini double!

    Cheers! 😀

  4. Happy Mother’s day Ritu! Quite some gyaan you have given. 🙂 Especially for the likes of me. doing most of it learning the ropes for the rest 🙂

    Happy Mother’s Day Apar. They gyan is practical know how!

  5. Hi.

    Talking of gratitude, one day they will be amply grateful, trust me you.
    Look at it this way: all it takes is a bit of introspection done in solitude. And it won’t take very long to figure out. I felt immense gratitude for, and a deep understand of my father’s mental mechanism (mom no more), at age 19/20. So there. Let them grow up and they will one day unnerstand. It takes a bit of detachment, a bit of distance when the mountain becomes clear to the traveller. As of now, they ride right on to your backs, so I gather from your post.

    Abhi toh, yes … but in a few months the aviator will be flying commercial planes for other people. The younger one is in 1st year engg. and has a long way to go as yet …. One can wait a bit more for the understanding 😀

  6. Hi Phoenixritu,

    Saw your comment on my post asking for my address in India for shipping my prize.
    Thank you very much for the same.
    Pls give me your email address so I can send it to you.

    Regards,
    Deepa

    I have already sent it to you

  7. “It is at this point that the biggest love story of my life began! I discovered I loved me and so I could love others too.”

    Best one!!

    And happy mother’s day, Lady! 🙂

    (I know, I know I am late but was away for sometime!)

    Heyy its Mommy’s day every day, so you are not late. Happy Mothers Day to you

  8. What an absolutely delightful post. Hats off to you, girl, for your outstanding courage and self-respect!! Though, calling your own sons,’SOBs’ took the cake ;-)))) and I am sure that was unintended.

    Are you sure? I do that quite often 😛

    If I could institute an award for ‘Best Mothers Day Blog’ it would most certainly go to you!

    Woohooo! Thanks

  9. Great post Ritu! There are a few bloggers out there who are an inspiration for me. You figure on the top of tat list!

    Thank you Shilpa, am flattered

  10. Good read.. And a Happy Mother’s Day.. 🙂
    Will be back..
    Thanks for passing by my page..

    Regards,
    Pallavi

    Hi Pallavi, your blog is a great read, and Happy Mother’s Day

  11. Hi Ritu, A single mom myself, currently on brink of a nervous breakdown, your post is just what I needed ..Dude you are my hero…

    Anu it is not a unique situation, and there are so many single parents out there … find yourself a support group. Mail me, whenever you feel the need

  12. sound advice there ritu… i think lots of it wud apply even if you werent a single mom… to me it sounds like a great idea to be friends with ur kids’ friends and yet have your own friends and life in general… ditto for being financially independent- of course if u are a single parent it become important to to earn sifficeintly well… other women can probably get away with “pocket money” kinda contributions to family income…being emotionally solvent is really imp too…kids are so dependent on parents emotionally that i sometimes find it scary..
    btw, ur sons coming to office with chocolate cake is beyond lovely!!! 😀 im sure u had a great Mother’s Day.

    We did! We had passes for a Shaan show, and ate out. They even bullied me into buying myself Crocs! The prices ufff!

  13. That is a good post. Being a bachelor living in a different city itself teaches you a lot – not to cook, for one!! And house keeping – that takes an awful lot of time. But now I have all the time on earth so why not become slightly responsible?? I have decided to restart cooking (For the second time, in two comments 🙂 )

    Destination Infinity

    Cooking is creative, you get to eat your creations and its destressing

  14. This is the best mothers day post I have read so far!

    Bluntly honest! Me like this a lot 😀

    Thank you

  15. Happy Mother’s day Ritu 🙂
    and what a way to celebrate!
    loved this post!and yes this is the best Mother’s day Post i have ever read..coz it says like it is…

    ((((hugs)))))you are a rocking mom!but most of all you are a rocking gal! 😀
    that’s great advice too:)and the kind that I am going to be memorizing 😀

    Thanks Indyeah! I said it like I experienced it, its true you know ….

  16. I second Pal the best mothers day post

    how did i miss it, foolish foolish me

    that was some good advice most of it true for all parents single or not…

    I admire u ritu and i have told this to u before too…

    Thanks Monikaa

  17. I am glad you were not participating in the IL contest :D.. none of us would have have had any chance to win. I have learned so much from you that sometimes I feel like calling you mom ..I would love to be born to a mum like you in my next life.. ye I want to be born again as a girl child .:) hugz

    Yeah, excellent choice, I wanna be born a woman too – preferably a tigress or the female gorilla hehehhehe! Aw c’mon dont be scared of me – we can blog on the same platform

  18. Pingback: How tempting and how impossible! « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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