Dontcha just love her?
Like A.R. Rehman she never goes stale …….
1.My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
2.I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3..Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.
10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14..Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16..Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
26.. Ham and eggs…A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27..The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
28..The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.
and of course the 30th
Sometimes I think Maxine should run for president. She was right on with this one!
Everyone concentrates on the problems we’re having in this country lately:
illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida …
Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It’s a win-win situation.
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today ? Yes ?
Think about this one:
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
C O W S
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow
born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington?
And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq …. Why don’t we just give them ours?
It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.
T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians… It creates a hostile work environment. (Loved this one … 🙂 )