Of Learning the Lessons

“In the natural world you have no friends and you have no enemies. You have only teachers” Dan Millman

I do not think a squirrel would say he hates the cat. He is just going to make tracks asap. A cat will climb curtains and sit on the pelmet rather than try to make polite conversation with the dog all the time plotting how to settle scores. To hate a person, or make friends or try to get on is a human condition. Another burden to carry on our already overburdened shoulders. Hence we have enemies and friends.

When I was much younger, and I was studying for my Jyotish Shastri, we had an instructor who was excellent. In fact his observations of the human condition, our foibles and foolishness gave me much of my gyaan. He would never tell a person that his Shani was bad. He would just say, “Learn, since Shani is a great teacher, very patient. If you fail class, he is just going to keep sitting there until you pass out”. I found that amazingly positive.

I went into marriage a cocksure arrogant bitch. I knew I was perfect, smart, intelligent and witty. It is at that time I realized that Ex came into my life as a teacher, not an enemy. He came to teach me ……..

I often wondered what he came to teach me.

One day I was sitting on the terrace and watching Kid#1 practising Tae Kwondo kicks on the wall. He would over-reach, kick and fall on the hard roof. Then he would pick himself up and have another go at it……

Kid#2 would be sitting next to me with all the keys that he could lay his tiny little hands on. He would line them up and try each and every one of them on all the sundry locks that he had collected through ages…….

Both headstrong, both stubborn and both tenacious….

Genetics is a pretty powerful thing. Both have a very similar character trait to mine. I could recognize kindred spirits.Β  I realized ex had come in my life to teach to teach me that I was unteachable. I thought I knew it all and
didn’t need to learn anything. Boy, did he prove me wrong! When he got done I had the stuffing knocked out of me, was finally looking for answers.

Hey B!!! This is in reply to your exasperated question : Kis mitti ki banee ho? Itni khush kaise ho?

All that I have in my life, all that I have achieved has come true because of that one experience in my life! So you see, there are no enemies …. there are no curses …

There are only teachers.


24 thoughts on “Of Learning the Lessons

  1. ‘Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.’

    One of my favourite quotes by Oscar Wilde. Fits here πŸ™‚

    It sure does! No mistakes, no experience and no maturity

  2. I wish I could think like this when I look back at the people who have been a part of my life for better or for worse.
    It is how I would like to feel/think but I am not there yet :). Glad you are..

    One reaches there and looking back one realises …. though I am sure a difficult student to teach!

  3. I don’t know if everyone has a purpose in our lives, there are some people you hurt us so badly that sometimes I think we could have done without them and the learning.The reason being that the hurt remains with us for the rest of our lives…as bad memories and how much ever we want sometimes we just can’t let them go…
    sorry i think this became a bit too soppy πŸ™‚
    i have the tendency πŸ™‚

    Ahh but we all resent the pain, and all learn better because of it

  4. Wow. But sometimes don’t you think life (or the people it sends across) insists on teaching just what we don’t want to learn? On learning we can do without?

    Nah! We never want to learn anyway …. Every one and everything that comes into our lives come with a purpose …. Lessons have to be learnt

  5. i’ve also learnt my lessons hard ways… i don’t know if it was mr. X teaching me…. or anything else. I came across this book few years ago ‘many lives many masters’. The author claims it to be a true story…but i don’t know… neither do i want to know. What I’m concerned about it the point of view that book gave me. Whatever happens in your life..is to teach you something. You keep suffering until you learn you lesson and once you pass the exam…you move to the next level. If one life time wouldn’t be enough… the learning will continue in the next one.

    Dr. Brian Weiss is right on target. I am a big fan of his. I’ve read all his books and feel they talk sense

  6. I’ve heard that time is a great healer
    now I know it is as well a great teacher
    by tossing constantly at our face the future
    it helps look back at things that were bitter
    and turn ourselves into someone better & smarter.

    Life teaches us. Show me a unhappy person and I’ll show you a person who does not wanna adapt or learn

  7. Hi,

    I really found your post very profound. I am almost daily caught in emotional turmoil of this burden… I dont know whether I would ever be able to think like you,,. but yes … it is the truth.. what you wrote… hats off to you.

    take care

    It is the truth. Hang in there, kuch toh seekhney ko milega

  8. WoW! I’m speachless.
    I wish I had your spirit to life. 😐

    Like someone commented above … give it time, spirit will come and eyes and teeth will go πŸ˜›

  9. Like anotehr person said in teh comment above and you too..I like Brian Weiss’s books..he does talk sense…

    loved the post too πŸ™‚
    yes..I have learnt a lot too… not always willingly though πŸ™‚
    some lessons are still being learnt…


    I never learn willingly. Point is that I like me, just the way I am … so dont like to change …..

  10. thats very well said..somehow i cannot bring myself to think like that, seriously. if I am unhappy does it mean i am not learning/adapting ..afterall how much can one adapt..and whats the point in losing oneself in this process. and can one adapt to someone/something that appears to be wrong in the first place…just a thought there.

    you know, you’ll get there. The inner essence – the real you never changes. Experiences are taken in, and they shape you, but the inner you remains. Hope I made sense

  11. Your last statement struck me especially forcefully. But perhaps you gained this insight into whatever you went through after a considerable bit of soul-searching. Perhaps there are no enemies, liars or betrayers, but that realization must really be painful. I really respect you for this post you wrote, it made me see myself in a different light. Thank you.

    • The enemy, the liar, the betrayer may not be after you personally. That person may have another objective to reach ….. so why carry a baggage of negativity – why burden yourself? Learn the lesson and move on

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