My wedding drama

I am picking up Monika’s tag with a lot of mixed feelings. Its not because I feel embarassed or ashamed about my wedding, but its more like “Do I want to revisit the scene of the crime in which I got caught?”. I mean if you have made an ass of yourself, and got caught at it, you’d rather not go back and view the entire episode once more would you? But then – the quotation “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” was coined by wise people when they met and analyzed someone like me I guess.

Ex is part Bengali and part Punjabi (Khatri+Arya Samaaji). The appelation Khatri+Arya Samaaaji has been keyed in because it has a significant role to play in the entire story.

I come from a stock of part Punjabi Jain and part Punjabi (Khatri+Arya Samaaji).

When Mom was opposed to the wedding, she yelled at me : He’s Bengali and you’re Punjabi, what will your kids be?

“Mongrels!” I yelled right back

I never thought of not having kids, idiot that I am! I would have been a very wealthy bitch if I did not have such bad tastes, but possibly snotty, unhappy and bitter. Ah well!

My parents decided to get me married to a suitable boy.

I decided otherwise. So wedding no. 1 happened.

Ex and I eloped in the inauspicious month of shraddh, a pandit was abducted and forced to perform the ceremony in someone’s disused factory. A person was introduced to me with “Hey Ritz this is your parent who’s gonna do the kanyadaan” and I said “Hi howdyodu!”. I was freaking out, breaking into cold sweat every single second, but was adamant that I had to marry this guy and this guy only. Ex was part grateful and part streamrollered by my determination. Photographs were duly taken as proof (the court required them). We partied, and then I went back to the hostel and Ex went back to his place.

Wedding no. 2 or the wedding that did not happen

A friend who was studying law escorted us to get our marriage registered by the court. The court required the banns to be published plus there was this little, minor, teensy weensy issue of the bride’s age. I had a melt down, screamed at the love of my life, quarreled with said friend and generally behaved like a diva. I could see ex having serious second thoughts about our future life. His fault right? He should have known better that to fall in love with me.

Wedding no. 3

My father smartly decided that me and my mother, both of who could be depended upon for even disagreeing about the colour of milk (white/yellowish white) could settle the issue of my wedding. It was simple. My mother refused to recognize it, and I refused to come back home from the hostel unless she did. Ex could pay the hostel fees, big effin deal! We had rounds and rounds of verbal bouts. I decided that I would never laugh at a B grade romantic Hindi movie again. My life seemed to be running true to that format. Things came to head one day when we met at a neutral place (a coffee shop) and I refused to take pocket money from them on grounds that I was married and did not need it. Told ya, I have the makings of a snotty bitch! My kids nip such developments at the bud and keep me humble.

My father, hitherto a quiet and concerned spectator, interjected before Mom threw her coffee at me and I walked out. He said “Okay she is married, so lets just leave it at that. We can acknowledge ex as son-in-law, and we can start life and rebuild relationships”.

I burst into grateful tears and said “Papa I love you.”

Mom was horrified “Log kya kahenge?”. But oh well, at least he had some Punjabi Khatri blood in him. Oh she also had fears that a marriage done in shraddh could never be good. So she insisted I have proper feras. So dear readers, the roka happened 14 days after I got married! Told ya, my life is frickin insane. The kundalis were matched by a pandit who (man gotta give him 100% for accuracy!) said “They’ve already got married!” in front of my Tayaji. Mom had a melt down. Then we had the ring ceremony and the wedding.

Phew!

My friend B…. once observed when the marriage was in doldrums

“Ritz you got married thrice … (Actually two and a half, but who’s counting?)

“Yeah I know”

“To the same dude!”

Me with a deep sigh “Yeah I know, dont rub it in!

Yeah I know …. I know …… I am frickin insane!

I tag the following

Tikuli

Shail

Indiyeah She recently got engaged so may have interesting stories

Soli

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27 thoughts on “My wedding drama

  1. he he he he… !!!!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 but you know what… I know a guy even more Fricking insane… he married to the same girl 4 times in a space of 15 days !!!!!!!!!!!!! 😛 😛 😛 lol…

    I hope that makes you feel slightly better !!! 😛

    Glad to know there are more like me in this world

  2. OMG!! What a wedding!!! 😀 😀 😀
    Amazing experience you have had!! Cool! 😀
    Loved your experience and narration! 😀

    And Hitchwriter’s friend…Amazing!! 😀

    PS: I have done your Filmi Tag! 🙂

    Yeah, I’ve had a topsy turvy life. You’ve done it? Will hop across and read it ASAP

  3. Wow!!!

    U got guts….doesnt matter how it turned out, the fact is you have a great story to tell at the end of it 🙂

    Hmmmm Guts is 80% obstinacy, 10% youthful foolhardiness and 10% optimism methinks

  4. OMG!! OM friggin G!!!!! can’t say more than that and am glad I did not get tagged here 😉 cos it might kinda look like I plagiarised part of your story here!!! 😀 Though am tempted to take it up too….well the Libra has to come to a balance to decide!!

    You too Apar? LOL! Looks like I am not alone

  5. I was so engrossed in your three-tiered wedding and was surprised to see myself tagged. OMG you are going to be bored out of your mind reading about mine. Lol. As it is Mallu weddings last about 10 minutes at the most!! And I guess you have already read about the ‘bride-seeing’ part of it! 😛
    Wow you, Monika and all had rocking times I must say.

    Yeah, I read the bride seeing bit! That was some mukh dikhaye

  6. OMG Hitchy’s tale of four times in 15 days seems to be some record!

    Mine was only three times, humph! But seriously it was kind of heartening to know I am not alone

  7. wedding #1 check
    wedding #2 check
    wedding #3 check
    Divorce check

    OMG OMG OMG! Its crazy i knw, but cant stop laughing at the similarities…its bloody hilarious…oh ritu, how on earth did we get married to the same guy thrice! In a way I’m kinda glad am not alone. ;p

    LOLOLOLOL This is too much. How about us starting a “multiple marriage to same human” club, and call it MMHC Inc.?

  8. Not once, not twice but 3 times. Hahaha that too to the same man.

    Ritu, these wedding stories are so much fun to read.

    And you tagged me! 😀

    My wedding story won’t make a hilarious read. It was the usual grand affair between two families and us following all the customs and traditions. I enjoyed the entire gig because I had the man of my choice by my side 😉 .

    Sounds so heartwarming! Do write it

  9. I hope u know u cud churn millions by selling this stuff to the likes of KJo and Aamir 😉

    You think so?! Drooling at the thought of the millions!!!!

  10. Pingback: My bete noir, the sariphoenixritu.com

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