The new age for recruitment in the forces

I got this as a mail forward – and as is my custom I forwarded it to people
a. Who have a whacky sense of humor
b. Those who have spouses or parents in the forces
c. And since I am suicidal – to folk who are/have been in the forces.

Then Ramit mailed me back with this message

Ritu, share this on the blog with everyone! This is too good to be kept to ourselves! Please tell me you will! 🙂 🙂 🙂

So here goes

Drafting Guys Over 60

This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier…

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!


26 thoughts on “The new age for recruitment in the forces

  1. Ha Ha Ha! 😀
    That’s a good one!! 😀
    All are good enough reasons… Liked the “Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.” 😀

  2. 🙂 🙂 Outstanding ..Thanks for sharing this!!! I always found the men in uniform very attractive.. not sure if I will find older men appealing 😉

    On a diff note, congrats on the award. Your poem was out of the world 🙂

  3. Haha haven’t read something this funny in a while 🙂 i totally agree 🙂
    P.S so true about women going through menopause stage:)they will shoot any when who slightly irritates them,Sure about there hit rates being the highest 🙂

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