Men you should never date/marry

It has been a long time since I’ve done lists, and here comes one which will have all the male readers of this blog calling me a sexist bitch.  To them I will simply say I promise I’ll do a post on the Women you should run a mile from just to keep things fair and square.  Okay.

MR. PAIN

Well heading the list would be Monsieur Marquis De Sade.  My sympathies if you are stuck with one of those. This guy is charming, he is handsome, but it is all in the exterior.  He may have well developed biceps, large strong thighs and other things.  But inside he is just a jock.  He never grew up from that childhood fascination of tearing the wings off poor insects that came his way.  He probably yanked off tires from toy cars and now feeds on other people’s pain.  I don’t know if it is a sickness or he simply gets it off on power.  What I do know is that if you are in a relationship with such a guy – it is you who is sick.

MR. JOCK

The second one on my list would be the guy who thinks with his dick.  Tiger Woods is a prime example of this sort of guy.  When they were kids, their Moms never taught them not to put their tiny finger into every hole they saw.  I am sure they were not smacked when they put their finger into a plug-hole.  The Mom just cello taped it.   Now they carry their fascination for ….  Well suffice to say that if they see an orifice they have to explore.  It does not matter if you are the most beautiful woman since Cleopatra or Helen of Troy, this man is not only going to cheat on you, but is also going to give you disease,  public humiliation and heartache.

MR. PETER PAN

In the interest of fairness, let me clarify a point.  All men are babies and we love them that way.  Smart women have learnt through the ages that if we did not, we would not have men to date anyway.  Sigh! Men do want to have their ego stroked always, and do only what they wanna do.  But there is this other lot of monster babies, who do not understand or want to understand responsibility or self respect.  They can’t keep a job, feel that the world is against them and like to blame every one for their problems which they have created themselves.  And then they run to their Mommies.  If you are in any sort of relationship with one of these, run.

MR. INSECURITY

You know the strange thing?  These are the ones who come through as so confident and egalitarian at first.  Then it starts.  They don’t like your clothes because they are too revealing.  They don’t like your family, it’s too nosy.  They don’t like your friends since they are sluts.  They will drive you insane if you have a male buddy.  They don’t even like your job because it is too demanding.  Stay with them for a while, and they will not even like you, but can’t live without you.  They will spy on you, check your mail, your phone’s message book, ask for a report on who smsed you and why.  They’ll even follow you to office.  They will convince themselves you’re having an affair on the basis of an sms.  Get out before it gets out of hand.

MR. LABEL MASTER

This one is a bit hard to explain, but I’ve seen them around.  Everyone has to be neatly slotted after a whole lot of analysis.  He’s the guy who is sitting and quietly observing with a smug look on his face and “I knew it” in his mind.  Sadly he does not live life, since observing other people living theirs is what he obsesses about.  He would love to fix you up since he knows you are broken inside.  He cant understand why you do not want to be fixed.

MR. SPORTS CHANEL

I had to do this – especially with the IPL in full swing.  Okay, I know, I know all men like sports – but this is the “like sports too much” variety I am talking about.  The jury is divided on this one.  Men feel there is no too much about it, women think any guy who would rather watch a match than take them out is a sports fanatic.  After a year of being together all men fall into this category hehehehhe.  But if you whip their sorry asses and withhold sex, they will abandon the remote to spend time with you.  Mr. Sports Chanel wont care if the house is on fire, there is just burnt toast for dinner, and you haven’t gone out in months!  All he wants is “A beer, a bit of peace and the T.V. remote”. Lose him because it’s hard competition.  Even if you pole danced naked in front of his eyes, you won’t win.

MR. FRAGILE

At first he comes through as the world’s most empathetic and sensitive soul, a true poet even … He is so caring, so touched by the interest you take in him.  But hang around and you’ll soon find out.  He is actually nursing a broken heart from way back in Class VI when the love of his life dumped him.  Perhaps the heart break happened much earlier like say – in kindergarten?  Reality check – the guy loves to be the hurt one, he is a sympathy slut.  It is all about HIM all the darn time.  Unless you want to play Ms. Florence Nightingale to a drippy faucet for the rest of your life, Flee!!!

MR. PRETTY BOY

There is an unspoken golden rule – Men should look well male and women should be the delicate flowers.  Unless you want to look like a eunuch or a manly cow, stay away from such men.  Oh another thing, they take a long long time dressing up, powdering their pretty noses and blow drying their hair.  I know its called being metro sexual, but I don’t like being upstaged in the feminine department by someone I am dating.

MR. HIGH AND MIGHTY

I am sure you’ve met him.  He would not even allow himself to meet your eyes or smile.  It would disturb his solemn state.  He walks around like the entire human race is unworthy of his superior presence.  He is too good and the rest of the people are scum that does not deserve to breathe the same air as him.  He has a razor sharp tongue that can reduce anything nice and worthwhile into shreds.  Hang around such a person and you will slowly start believing that no one is as worthy as this exalted being – – not even you.  Throw him out before this happens.

MR. VERBAL ABUSE

You are too fat, you are too loud, you don’t have taste, and your cooking is crap, etc etc. These are all the accolades you get from him.  The truth is that he came from a bunch of prehistoric types who thought that love and affection was best displayed by pulling a woman by the hair or bopping the loved one on the head with a club.  Any sane person with a sense of self preservation will avoid this type.

Advertisements

62 thoughts on “Men you should never date/marry

  1. LOL! But Ritu, you’ve eliminated the entire male species now!!

    @ Prats: That was hilarious!! I guess a lot of women are also saying the same thing now!

  2. Hey awesome post Ritu. Have been following your blog for a long time, commenting for the first time though.

    While reading this I was thinking, Oh God which category my husband would fall into. And I read the whole post and didn’t find any. Yupiiee!!! Wow! I consider myself blessed 🙂

  3. A brilliant list Ritu. I must remember to take a printout for my mother if and when she decides that I’m old enough to be married! But uou forgot one.

    Mr. Size issue

    This man is to be kept at a twelve foot pole distance. He might the most sensitive, caring, loving person on the planet. He might be everything that the men mentioned above are not but he will a teeny tiny willy. And I mean teeny tiny.
    Run away women. This type of man brews feelings of ‘being left on the bed unsatisfied’ in a woman and we all know how dangerous that combination is. Run away. Suggest willy pumps before you go though.

  4. You forgot Mr God – Everything he does and says and thinks is right. If you disagree, it is you who is wrong. It is always his way and there is no highway. You have to be the one to say sorry, to make up for whatever slight he thinks you have done. And if you talk about leaving, he will not understand since he is God and hence in the end it has to be you who was in the wrong. Never him

    A friend is married to a combination of Mr God and Mr Insecurity and her life is hell.. Have told her to move on..alas she is still with him..

  5. LOL This is a great list Ritu. How about Mr. overgrown kid , the one who is still tied to the pallu of his dear mom and wants to see his mother in his wife or GF. Who thinks mom’s word is God’s word. Who never grow up to be men.. ever.

    waiting for the other post.

    congrats on blogadda pick.

  6. Hey Ritu great analysis i must say..but i think most men have many of those attributes..well not all of them..but a fair sprinkling of some of them all rolled into one..so i guess you gals have to make a choice of someone having the least..the teeny weeny theory that you propogate is so not true..a cause its not true and b even if it was men always feel teeny no matter how large the ears and hands and etcc…great job..AND NOW COME UP WITH THE WOMEN SOON AM EAGERLY AWAITING TO CATEGORISE WIFEY…HEHEHEHE..AND DONT FORGET TO ADD THE EVER HYPER PARANOID FEMALE IN UR LIST:))))

    • Mr. Peter Pan! He should have never grown up. He simply cant understand why his wife wants him to be an adult when all he wants to do is play and then let Mommy handle this hard world for him. Thanks for your congratulations

  7. Brilliant!! 😀

    I absolutely loved it!!
    And you know, the biggest problem, a guy who is a combination of some or all these traits!! 😀 😀

  8. That’s a nice list. But, does any of the female commenter’s man fall into any of the category? *I’m nowhere here.Don’t try to catch me* Just curious. 😉

  9. Useful list. Probably will be used by new age sadhus when deciding a matching kundli for the girl 😛
    Imagine the new hook ups Mr Verbal Abuse with the Subdued One or a more explosive partnership between Mr Verbal Abuse and Miss Verbal Abuse, now that’s a marriage made in hell! ha
    Kewl post this one! 😀

  10. What a wise wise woman you are! I especially liked the Label Master touch. I know someone in almost all of the above categories, but the Label Master annoys me the most. Unfortunately we’re related. Therefore unavoidable 😦

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s