I got a whole lot of comments which (the polite ones at least) complained that I was sexist and that if any one went by my list – there would be no man left to date. The impolite ones I deleted so they need not concern us. I am not sexist – even though I know for a fact that women are more … oppressed, hard working, challenged and also tougher. It is the truth guys, deal with it.
However, one often comes upon certain women who are more ….. dangerous to a normal person’s sanity in many ways. Here is a quick profiling of such women
CRUELLA DE VILLE
This sort is scary and destructive. They are just plain evil. Oh they appear normal, but as you get closer and more familiar, one day you realize she is pure distilled evil. Make your escape … and oh! Cover your tracks, so that she can’t find you. If she does, she may just as well send you to jail on a trumped up charge. She is just the type …..
This one will sure as hell send you to an early grave … or at the very least give you acidity induced by frustration. She takes one step left, retraces it, goes right, comes back. Actually the poor dear is so scared of doing something wrong or making you angry, she keeps see-sawing. If you get impatient, she will burst into tears or a tantrum or both. So you will have to curb your impatience while she tries to decide for hours what she wants to do, to wear or order.
MADAME JABBER YABBER
Of course you know what I am talking about. These are the ladies who are yapping constantly but have nothing substantial to say. It starts with “You know what Neena told me today, she and Kavita went on a sale and bought this lovely thing …. But oh it was much cheaper in Karol Bagh where there wasn’t even a sale” etc etc. You are so tempted to tell her to shut the eff up – but desist, otherwise the next half an hour will be spent grilling you as to why you are in such a nasty mood.
Dig yourself a trench and jump in, or practice transcendental meditation in her company. Never go on a second date.
MADEMOISELLE HIGH MAINTENANCE
I personally don’t live in such rarified atmosphere, but I have seen these lovelies from afar. Oh they are beautiful, they are delicate and they are so exquisite from their perfectly pedicured feet to their expensive hairdo. But kya karen, their needs are so expensive, they need the poor suckers they latch on to – just to meet these expenses. Of course they haven’t a clue on doing a day’s honest work to pay for what they need. It may just chip that perfectly done nail job …..
MADAM MOTOR MOUTH
Of course she is witty, she is intelligent and you really admire that zest for life and the gung ho quality. But you wish she would shut up at times. Here is news – she does not have an off button. It’s okay if you are hard of hearing, but if you are not …. It can be really grating on the nerves.
LADY WET BLANKET
Yeah life with such a woman can be quite a drag. She is never happy. Its as though she is scared to be happy because it just might turn bad. Anything, the meal, the movie, the trip can go sour with such a person around. Flee before she saps the very vitality out of you. I call this type the emotional parasite. They suck every happy thought out of your system.
WOMEN WHO MAKE YOU WISH WE HAD BURKHA AS MANDATORY DRESS CODE
Nothing wrong with them, they are very young inside. But sadly the outside has gone old. They should not dress up like teenagers but do so. It gets scary as they grow older and there is so much aging skin on display. It is cute in the beginning, but soon, you wish you had a bed sheet to carry with you so that you could cover her up to save yourself some embarrassment.
She is so emotional, so sensitive that you spend all your time with her on tenterhooks. You may say something that wounds her to the core and the tears start. I have a suggestion – get a whole lot of bubble wrap, pack her inside it so that she is safe and run for your life. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life apologizing … for just about everything – including the famine in Africa that they are showing on TV.
She was born with a rolling pin in her hand and her quest is to look for battles. Anything you say or do will be held against you. Everything will be twisted, taken out of context and combat (unfair and nasty) will be waged. It may be exciting for a bit – but watching your word, your action and your back can get tiresome. Give her a miss.
Oh I am sure you have met her. She is desperate for shaadi. That is when she will come into her own. She just needs to get married to any one – even a jerk as long as he is earning and her parents say he is okay.
Ghar aisa hoga, curtains vaise hongey, bacchon ka naam yeh rakhengey etc etc. Five years into the marriage and after two kids, she will look at you as something the cat dragged in. And why not? You have fulfilled your role in her life – given her the home and kids! Now she feels you are a loser … but never mind, she will deal with it.
Hehehehe Serves you right for being a sucker!
Disclaimer : This post and the previous one are just the author’s observation, and the author is prone to hyperbole and exaggeration.