The Twisted Sisterhood

Disclaimer : This is a controversial post. I expect trolls, I expect angry rejoinders, protests etc. I will publish the printable ones. The downright abusive ones I will trash. I may lose friends but c’est la vie …

I’ll admit that I am scarred … in ways that I cant even bring myself to relive, but these are wounds that many of us carry within us. And my wounds were inflicted by women, women I trusted, whom I expected to help and support me, nurture me. This is why, I have problems, issues that do not allow me to bond too well with other women.

This is what I call the twisted sisterhood. Some women, actually a lot of women are judgmental, they are hostile and they actively go out of their way to undermine other womenfolk’s desire for self respect and independence. And these, mind you, are not uneducated slum dwellers who can be excused on the grounds that they don’t know any better. These are educated and “apparently” open minded women. The harm they do to other women is incalculable.

I thought that I had overcome these feelings. I had proved myself, I was self confident, cool and at peace with myself. After all, did I not actively encourage my own daughter in law to be the career woman she is born to be?

Look at the depths we have sunk to! Even a simple act of encouraging our own kind is supposed to be lauded and praised. Such an act should be absolutely normal and matter of course. After all, women should support their own sex. Step back and consider … do they?

It is these feelings that resurfaced when I read Sangeeta’s comment on my previous blog post …

She asked … The point is …how do you assert the right kind of human values in the minds of those women whose minds are skewed . That is the bigger hurdle i believe. If a mother thinks the daughter should behave in a certain manner , how ‘the mother’ should be ‘educated’ ….. an educated thinking woman’s idea of feminism is quite different with a ‘society conditioned’ woman’s idea of feminism…

We are our own worst enemy

How often have many of us encountered this attitude from other women :

1. You must have done something to deserve it … (if you encounter domestic violence)
2. Men are like that, they are polygamous by nature (if you discover your partner is cheating)
3. Stop whining, men don’t like women who complain (As though we like to whine ….)
4. She is like that, she is such a tease, she brought it on to herself (if a woman gets raped)
5. She must have slept with a lot of men to get where she is (if a woman gets promoted)
6. She is a slut (if a girl is more popular than others in her peer group)

Men are competitive with each other, but they bond to get certain things done, and are supportive … the male bonding rocks. Women are deeply suspicious of each other. Women do not like other women in positions of power, and would not like to groom other women to take over from them. It would take away attention from their own achievements you see.

We are deeply hostile and resent other women’s success. You know … this is why a mother in law does not like a daughter in law to excel. This is why your disapproving neighbor is so openly hostile about your life style.

We are judgmental. We judge each other on basis of housekeeping skills, parenting skills, cooking skills and even fashion sense. What is worse, we expect other ladies to judge us and find us fall short. It leads to much heart burn and stress.

We bitch about other women, we weep when they bitch about us … but we accept it too. What is more, we take it to heart and agonize about it. But do we think of changing our behavior or confronting such negative things?

Rarely

But we drop the friend. Our own inherent insecurity, jealousy and negativity costs us the friendship

Or go through life behind a mask of frozen smiles and nursing grudges

C’est la vie ….

Does it have to be like this?

NO

Men find allies, we view other women as competition, and when a man is involved as in the case of a mother in law vs daughter in law equation, the results are devastating, either costing a marriage or life time worth of distrust and resentment. If two women fight over a boyfriend, the results can be bloody.

Women excel at silent war. And we have over active antennas that comprehend silent waves of dislike and disapproval.

It does not have to be like this.

Men have the upper hand on us, because they bond and form alliances. A woman at the top is lonely. Did Indira Gandhi nominate another woman to her position or even groom another woman to become a political power? No! We are lonely and dis empowered because we do not encourage our sisters and weaken our own position.

We have to learn to do encourage other women. You know, men have the dominated us, ruled over us using our own weakness. We keep fighting and resenting each other and throwing roadblocks in each other’s path.

We have to come out more vocally in support of other women if they are suppressed and abused – not just lend a tissue and then bitch and giggle behind the poor abused woman’s back.

Leaving you with the song, “We are family, I got all my sisters with me”

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73 thoughts on “The Twisted Sisterhood

  1. A thought provoking post Ritu. You have posted a relevant issue. Incidentally in this year’s International Women’s Day Blogging contest by Indusladies, one of the Top 10 entries was ‘Women vs Women’. ( Incidentally my entry Multitasking Stree also made it to the top 10 🙂 ).
    As women, especially after marriage as our responsibilities multiply we face several challenges. Each women, being unique, devices her own strategy to meet these challenges and keep the fabric of her family intact. There are no wrongs or rights. She does what is best to her nature, which in turn depends on a lot of factors, the most important being the manner in which she grew up. So if we see a woman make a choice which we ourselves would not have taken, do we have to undermine her?

    You are abs right, we need to be more understanding and supportive of each other. Your last line sums it up… We are family . I got all my sisters with me. Let us not only be supportive of just our siblings but of our other women friends too.

    • Congratulations on your post making it to the top ten Abha. And yes, we need to be supportive, not the shallow and ineffectual support women normally offer other women in distress, while sniggering behind her back. We need to be sincere and make our support count, in concrete ways.

  2. CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!! You’ve said all that has been simmering inside me and said it so beautifully!!!!!! You hit the nail on the head with this line ‘Women are deeply suspicious of each other’. I just posted a comment on Shail’s blog saying women are women’s worst enemy, and I strongly stick by that!!! I am yet to find a woman who can compliment another woman without feeling a pang of jealousy or insecurity!! I think it all stems from economic dependency. Imho, most MILS are like leeches, sticking to their sons, because they are afraid of what will happen to them if the DIL comes and ‘snatches the son away’. Where is the question of ‘one woman snatching a man away’?!! Really beats me!!
    Again, unmarried elderly women relatives are the worst!!! They will make sure they screw up the life of a new bride!! Bah!!

    • Oh the DIL vs MIL thing is still easier to deal with. Many times mothers compete against daughters, sibling jealousy between sisters can leave lasting wounds. Then there are bitter rivalries between sisters in law … the works.

      We need to tone down the competition and suspicion. I wonder how we can do that.

    • As far as I have seen, the camaraderie is all about getting their jobs done. Deep down they are also competing for the money, girls, position and stuff like that. They have their guard ‘on’ all the time. They dont share an iota of relationship that we share as sisters even though its twisted sometimes. I do agree that, the moment this jealousy factor is taken up, things will happen for better. 🙂

      • Meenakshy, I disagree. I see men being competitive but not undermining each other’s self worth or labelling other men as sluts or lesbians. Women carry out psychological warfare … we can be devastating.

  3. Yes…all of this and much more ….. the idea of feminism should be drilled into the minds of those ‘society conditioned’ women , the idea that they should be secure within their own skin , the idea that we don’t need to fight for anything , just a good measure of humanistic values and we are fine….

    A woman walks past wearing a tight jeans and some cleavage showing ….men just ogle at her ( isn’t that natural?) , barring the sicko stalker kind and i believe there are more normal men and less stalkers …. what a woman does watching this tight jeans clad woman walking past ?
    Just think of a normal reaction by a sicko woman….it will be worse than the sicko man…the sicko man harms physically ( and only one woman who could not give him a fight , or may be a few more if he is let loose ) but this sicko woman corrupts a whole generation….

    Excuse me if it hurts at the wrong places….I am not defending the criminal sicko man….

    • I agree with you Sangeeta. Schoolgirls are mean to other school girls. Adult women can destroy each other! We can run campaigns to belittle each other, ignore each other and even gang up to socially boycott another woman. I have seen this happen. No wonder even though we have the potential, we have never become powerful and a serious contender for the dominant sex slot.

  4. We are our own worst enemy
    ———- I have been repeating this for dog years now

    u know the day we learn to support each other men do our problems will decrease too

    brilliant post

  5. Superb article. I have always been a firm believer of the fact that we, women are our own worst enemies. If only we learnt to stand up for each other, the world would automatically become a better place to live in.

  6. Ritu,

    There are many things you have said here, which are true. I have seen women being catty, I’ve seen hostility, I’ve seen unreasonableness.

    I don’t know if I should comment further or not. I guess I will, even though you, or your readers, might feel I am in a quasi-denial of some sort.

    The truth is, I have never experienced hostility personally. I sat and thought about the women in my life… strong women all. I cannot recall a single instance when any of the penalized me because they felt I was a woman. Which is not to say I haven’t felt prosecuted by some of the women. All I am saying is, the intention behind the prosecution was not that I was a woman.

    Or maybe I was too dumb to take it that way- which is very possible. 😛

    I can also say very honestly that I have never been hostile towards a woman BECAUSE she was a woman. As a matter of fact, I go out f my way to be supportive of my gal pals. I wonder how many of them would agree… never thought of asking them. Maybe I should… hmmm…..

    I have experienced women bonding… deep meaningful and transparently honest. I cannot begin to tell you how much I cherish my women pals. They multiply me in many ways, they help me expand, they give me a sound kick when I needed it. And through it all, they have been there for me, with no hidden agendas, as dependable as a rock.

    Your post today has reminded me of the blessing they have been.

    Dagny

    • Dagny, I have experienced female bonding too, honestly it is very enriching. But sadly more often I have been the butt of bitchiness, I have been socially ostracized for standing my ground, I have also been accused of sleeping my way to any achievement that I have won after hard work. And this has just been friends …

      What I have experienced from my mother and mother in law … heck I could write pages and pages of bitter vitriol … but that is not my style ….

      • That’s it….not turning vitriolic and believing in self worth, is what is required by all of us….all of us women …not craving for approval…

        I have also found some very good women around me but unfortunately the most important women in my life were never cordial…supportive or even indifferent…. they have to assert their opinion , and in a negative way always ….unfortunately…

  7. Hi Rituji,
    I agree with you, but only partially. Hindrance is definitely visible, but not in all relationships. For e.g. a mother would never discourage her daughter to move ahead in life. As you said about the case of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I guess the difference do not occur on just professional or social front but also on personal front. And I guess that is why mothers generally do not approve of their son’s love marriage, being fearful of the fact that girl may overtake the control.

    • It is such an erroneous way of thinking. No mother can take the wife’s place, and no wife can supplant the mother. These are two very different relationships. But jealousy and insecurity end up screwing the mental balance. And we then have the mother in law and daughter in law feud

    • Vishal…

      Sorry to butt in here, but I think your comment called for a reply. You say a mother would never harm/ discourage her daughter. My dear friend, all I will say is, you need a major paradigm shift in a hurry. AND you need a couple of ‘realistic’ eye-openers to facilitate the paradigm shifts.

      I have witnessed mother-daughter hostility of a form you cannot begin to fathom. In a way, I envy you your utter innocence. It surely makes for easier nights… and deeper sleep.

      Cheers…

      Dagny

      • I have experienced the mother-daughter hostility personally … and I did not want to comment. It is sick, perverted …. the person who is supposed to be nurturing you is the one who is your enemy. I envy some people’s innocence. Allow the nice man his sleep Dagny

      • I have personally experienced both- Mother and MIL hostality. I some how find it much easier to talk about the MIL hostality bit…the mother part hurts so badly that forget about talking about it, I try to not even think about what all she said when I was going through my divorce. I wish there was a way of deleting that part of my memory.

      • Some mothers feel threatened by post puberty daughters, they get competitive. It is a personality disorder and it even has a name “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” They feel that because their daughter is younger and prettier, they are being dethroned. Its painful. It confused me a lot until I read about it. The only way to break this cycle is to stop hankering for your mother’s approval. It requires hard work since we are programmed to seek parental approval, but we can do it.

      • Hi, I agree…the personality disorder is actually much more complicated. I feel you are right about breaking away and stop looking for mother’s approval. I realize it now and that is exactly what I am doing..but when I was a child.. while growing up…the thought never crossed my mind and I contributed my mother’s acts to her ignorance and lack of awareness. By the time I grew up the damange was done! I am taking help to undo it and it is still work in progress 🙂

        I infact liked my therapist’s comment the other day ” your mother could not have had a more different daughter”…and almost felt sorry for her LOL

      • LOL I feel the same way about mine – more to the tune of “she deserved me”

        It is dark grim and cynical amusement … but it is there

      • J…

        What you need is a couple of dozen hugs. And you need ’em Pronto…!

        Cheer up… all the screwed up people in the world are somebody’s relative and/or mother too. Pity them for they knew not what they did. They probably did what THEIR mothers did to them, and they didn’t know enough to know how to break that toxic cycle.

        Ignorance is much easier to bear than deliberate malevolence. Attribute her lack of sensitivity to ignorance…. and heal your spirit.

        I did. 😀

        Dagny

      • Hi Dagny,

        Thanks so much for your comment. you made my day! I have certainly moved away from my mother’s negativety and can even talk about it now…in forums like these…where I have now made so many virtual friends :). But it is certainly not easy to get over the basic fact that your nuturer and protecter turned out to be your biggest enemy.

        What I took as her ignorance and lack of exposure for so many years turned out to be top level manipulation and selfishness.

        Post my divorce (when I saw and understood the real side of my mother) I appeared all cool and calm, a perfect picture of successful single mom…but the agony was killing me from inside. When I could not take it any more and it started affecting my current relationships I went back to my therapist and feel much better now. I always thought that in our educated circle I was the only one not accepted and loved by her mother. Very recently, from my therapist and forums like this and TBG i found out that this happens to a lot of women…people from ‘educated’ and ‘status’ families :). I am not as articulate as you ladies but I wish I could somehow convey to as many women as possible not to trust their parents bindly and excersise their right to say ‘no’ if they feel pressurized by their parents. You can go thru my story on TBG’s blog if you wish.

  8. Beautiful post Ritu. Every word makes perfect sense. Somehow jealousy has been described as an attribute of women since ancient times, and maybe correctly so. It is disappointing when even educated well developed minds cannot leave the pettiness behind.

    • I have seen uneducated women having much more common sense and practical wisdom. They forge working relationships with their immediate family more successfully than certain educated women. They also do not blow up petty issues out of proportion

  9. That’s quiet a plain speak and with lots of truth in it.

    And to add my bit of paisa. I think Men successfully maneuvered THIS traits of women to their own advantage through the generations to make the actual “strong” gender to be a supposed “weaker” gender which they are not.

  10. Ritu bhen I remember writing a comment on one of the blogs that the worst enemy a Women can have is A WOMEN..
    Its a women who brings down another women and I got bullocked and cursed saying how can i say that but it is the truth
    going through your post i second you million% what you say is true..

    and I do hope that no one shouts at you , you shud put all the comments though it would be amusing to find people agreeing with you and the same saying different on other blogs..

    I have seen TWO best friends bitch about eahc other so many times, I work with two and they are suppsoedly best mates so beleive me I know cause i have to listen to the bak bak …

    Bikram’s

    • Yes, I agree with that. It would be fun to see contradictory comments LOL! And believe me, after the number done on me by the two most important women in my life, I do not care about other people’s opinion and do not crave for approval. For that I thank them on bended knees. Which is why I wrote that this post may lose me friends

      • Not to worry .. you will always have me .. he he hee he
        Ok now dont take that long to think .. I know whats better the Two who did this or ME… ha ha ha ha

        chillax and smile 🙂 you meet such people

        Duniya main ____ ki mai nahin ( I put a blank u can fll as u feel about them)
        Ek dhoondo hazaar milte hain
        door dhoondo NAZDEEK hi mil jaate hain

        🙂

  11. Ritu, why would or should you lose friends because of this post? Every word rings true!

    I don’t know if I’m one of the lucky few or in the majority, but I’ve had to face all disparaging remarks and discriminations from only women around me. I hate to say this, but women really can’t deal with someone having it easier or better off than them, and they always find it much less confrontational to put the blame on another woman when something wrong happens, be it rape or molestation or domestic violence.. it’s as simple as that. Nobody realizes how much it fucks up the younger women around these “socially conditioned” women.. the younger ones being confused by what they are taught is acceptable and what they see as the more liberal world outside their suffocating homes. I wish things would change, I wish there was a way to get them to believe that they and their daughters and their DILs deserve equality and it’s not a luxury and I really really wish they would see crimes like rape for what they are. But from my many interactions with my own older relatives, I don’t see a change happening soon.

    Anyway, this was a much-needed and very well-written post. I’ll write a post too, soon, triggered by the same thought. Will post the link when I do.

    • Yes women can not deal with other women being happier, richer and more successful than them – lets add slimmer to the long list. And as to being less confrontational – hmmm I disagree. Just slander a woman and out come the claws. She can be confrontational about protecting her own interests, but can not/will not protect or defend another woman

  12. I have a different take on this.
    Men and women have been brought up differently. So the end result we see is different. Do you feel men will behave in any way different if the tables were turned and they had to live in the conditions women have had to down the centuries?? How would they fare if they had to stay with other men confined to a house 24×7, bossed by a senior man or men, having to seek permission for anything you do all your life, with no life to call your own and not even a hope to?? Not allowed to have anything to do with your own family, having to be at the beck and call of a new family, not having friends, serving others instilled into you all your life…. Are men who grow up in such conditions going to be any different from the women we see today?? If so, yes there is something special about them. But as long as that hasn’t been proved I refuse to sing paeans to their bonding or whatever.
    The way they are today has something to do with the way society has treated them. How can what they are be compared to what women are, considering women have been oppressed and suppressed down the ages?? If the tables were turned and men were the ones who had to look after the home and hearth while women went out, came home late mingles with all sorts of people, while men waited, wouldn’t that have had an impact on them too??
    Woman defines herself in relation to man, as a mother, a wife, a sister. But man does no such thing, has not had need to. He is himself. He is not merely somebody’s father, husband, brother, son…. . I think (not sure though) since women define themselves in relation to others they are more insecure and hence the many negative qualities we see. Women have to re-learn a lot to know how to think openly.

    Having said that much, yes, I find some women, so called ‘educated’ women quite petty. And they do behave as enemies to their sisters. Twisted Sisterhood is apt to describe some of them and their behaviour.

    BTW, the other day I happened to wear a dress that showed a bit of cleavage. I was mortified when two women independent of each other took it upon themselves to pull my dupatta higher to cover my chest. I am still smarting from that. It is another fact that they had acres of stomach area on display. How would they have felt if I threw their sari pallus over their exposed tummy acres?? Or is tummy display allowed, but not cleavage?? Such weighty questions! Lmao.

    • Shail, the history is just that – it is history. We are today’s women, and we have to change the mind set. If we start taking history into consideration and explaining away everything, it will become a convenient excuse. Millions of men died in wars, millions were sent away as boys to fight for the egos of Kings and Political leaders. It hasn’t made them feel as though they are just cannon fodder. Why are we allowing ourselves to be influenced by what is past? We are fighting a war right now, we need to get our act together.

      LOL on the duppatta act. When a woman tries that with me, I always smile and readjust to show a bit more cleavage. Up yours lady, my cleavage, my choice

    • yes…i am late but i have to say something….that hose few women who define twisted sisterhood can affect a whole generation …of their own kids off course .
      And this dupatta act has been happened with me too and mine was ditto the same reaction….those acres of tummy show is not considered awkward for them.

      The few women who have skewed minds are more dangerous i believe.
      Also , sensible , level headed human beings are always sensible and level headed …no matter man or woman.

      • I think all of us have had the dupatta sambhal kind of censorship at least once in our lives. Pshaw!!! I always think that these women are uncomfortable with their own sexuality

    • I agree with you 100% as much as I agree with the main post. i percieve your part to be the reason behind ‘twisted sisterhood’. I cant tell you how jealous I feel of daughters or DILs getting loads of love and respect from their mothers and MILs(perhaps because of what I had to go through). it takes an effort on my part to not say anything to undermine them (feeling jealous is still better than saying nasty things i guess :-)).
      I hope my daughter does not grow up to feel jealous and deprived of affection and respect, atleast from her mother.

      • @J, one has to work at it. I remember feeling devastated when my son married a girl that I love dearly. I nearly screwed that relationship up. But thank God better sense prevailed and I quickly mended relationships. Be alert and careful. Unconsciously and subconsciously we end up doing and saying things that can really destroy our own children

  13. AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE.AGREE. couldn’t agree more 🙂 and worse than women in position not empowering others, is what’s done to the women in power, by women who are not.

    • Yes, as a female boss you are damned if you empathize and are soft with the junior staff, you are damned if you don’t. I have noticed that a male boss can be temperamental, unreasonable, exacting and get away with it. If I do the same, I am a sexually frustrated, hormonal, PMSing bitch.

      • absolutely. and if my voice raises even a teeny decibel level, i am SCREAMING. but the guy is being productively emphatic.
        GRRRRRRRRRR

  14. Pingback: Empathy in Moderation « Another Dark Comedy

  15. Great post! You are so right! And my dear you seem to have gone through what I have to, and I am certain others must have too-being dragged down by women tht you trusted and expected support from , and also least expected such back stabbing from..! Oh dear! Starting from the family, even sisters have that competitive edge(I have seen other families face this, I don’t have a sister though and I guess, it wud have been good to have one!), which continues after they marry and translates into status issues! The MIL DIL Sil rship is very rarely free of the crab mentality! Sigh! Yes, we need to put this aside and give each other a hand, and stand by each other! We have to make the change! God help us!

  16. Strongly agree with these lines. If women see themselves as themselves, a lot of emotional dependence just won’t be there.
    ‘Woman defines herself in relation to man, as a mother, a wife, a sister. But man does no such thing, has not had need to. He is himself. He is not merely somebody’s father, husband, brother, son….’

    • Yes I agree with you and Shail on this point. But they also end up seeing others in the family like spouse and offsprings as “an extension” of themselves, hence the control, the suppression and the emotional blackmail. And they are competitive of the attention and time their “extensions” spend with others. That is the cause of a lot of misery. Siblings especially sisters are competitors for parental attention, daughter in laws and sisters in law are competitors too – for spouse/brother/son’s time.

  17. It’s funny, because I was debating on writing a post about how my mom influenced my relationships with other woman. If we have an unhealthy female model to start with, we’re doomed until we learn how to recover with it. For me, I know I kept attracting female friends that were like my mom or worse.

  18. Havent read the 60 odd comments before me so maybe repeating..but you took the words out of my mouth!! I envy the easy camaraderie men share (even if they dont like each other) and how quickly they would forget and move on..we women on the other hand carry grudges to our graves…however I have met some superb women in my life and have had them as friends, mentors etc…and can never be thankful enough!!

  19. I agree, i agree…ek aurat hi aurat ki sab se badi dushman hoti hai..koi shak. The moment, someone realizes you are the adored one, there will be this one bitchy female, either in family, neighborhood, friend circle, who will go to any length’s to screw up your life. The worst part is most are so jealous of either your success, beauty or charm whatever that brings you into limelight, you can be assured some female around will be making plans to destroy you..have experienced it and honestly can not do anything about it because, they all come across as so sweet on the face and plot behind your back.

    • Not one, plenty of them and they shall gang up against the fortunate one. There will be a whisper campaign against the person, her clothes, food, personality will be torn to shreds, all behind her back. It happens

  20. Ritu, do you think there is a why to deal with such insecure women. i mean they tarnish your image behind your back and play the goody goody one on your face. You ignore them and yet they are always there like a leech trying to find out how come you are still living happily???

    • Some women need to validate themselves by bringing others down. And we are very competitive and resent the success of our own kind. I am generalizing here … “Show a woman a friend or colleague who is thinner, richer, happier than her, has a better marriage or children who are more successful and watch the claws unsheath”

  21. maybe i am too young, or too late in this world ,… yet to feel any of those ‘twisted sisterhoods’.
    I sincerely hope (after reading so much) that i won’t have to deal with the most vicious ones ! Great post Ritu 🙂

    Shail – agree with a lot (i mean a lot) on what you say…there is a history involved.., even if we are from this age, there lies a lot of us in those gone by days…If only women were as reassured (as we lucky urban girls are ) in those days, wouldnt we be able to bond, as easily as men do ! or may be its in our DNA ? 🙂

    • P, you have yet to meet hostile female co-workers in office I guess, or hostile sister in laws and other women of that ilk. The twisted sisterhood exists, world wide. I don’t know what causes it – may be its history, anthropology or biology …… Whatever it is, we need to address it and deal with it.

  22. Nicely written and I love the term Twisted Sisterhood. I wrote an entry Women vs Women about the same topic and could totally relate to your post. Every day, I find myself interacting with women at such a hostile level, especially in public places that I’m amazed. I really think we need to make a conscious effort to be nice to our ‘sisterhood’, and yes, it’s sad that it’s come to that!

    http://eeprikka.blogspot.com/2011/02/women-vs-women.html

  23. I have seen the male bonding and I have always wished we females had it too …Wish the jealousy streak never existed…..

    But then I feel it has lot to do with the upbringing……In my house my bro and me were like equals and career was always the priority and due to the age gap…me and bro never competed with each other ….on the other hand he tried most to get me choose the right path for me and vice versa…..so the jealousy streak was never in me

    But then society isnt like u….and i have lost best friends because if u warn them about a bad boyfriend they feel ur jealous or interested in him….gosh i mean thats not how guys friendship is…..thats one reason i have mostly been best friends with guys and girls were close till i dont tell them whats right and wrong…..

    You talking abt MIL and DIL…its a case of DIL and SIL in my house…..Me and mom are not the jealous kinds but alas the wife my bro got is.( How I always wanted a SIL who cd have been my best friend …sigh) ….and she is always competing with me ……and jealous bone gets on to me…..and the reason makes me laugh….she hates my bro being attached to us and being protective for me….as if we gonna snatch him…..welll ur in states and we in India…..give ur mind a rest…..but what I feel bad is that this stupid gal hates the fact that my family is more concerned about my doctorate degree and dont even wanna think about my marriage whereas she married just post her graduation even after being born and brought up in America…..I mean she is studying Anthropology….suppose to be feminist but she is more concerned about who the male in his house cares for ….I sometimes feel scarred for his son as to what values will be transfered ( she is the preference sons kind )….I can go on …..but lets chuck it

    Now when I see such girls and such bonds I wonder….Y cant we all just come together and be bonded forever…..when my mom born in the 40’s can be such a feminist and inspite of being a housewife prefers career to marriage for her daughter and wants all females to move forward in life ….why cant all females forget that competition and think of helping other females?…Why O Why?

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