And no, I am not talking about the Orient PSPO whose services turn people in the corners of the room rajahs too.
This world cup opened my eyes to the species of people around me, vis a vis cricket and other sports
1. The Yaaron Ka Yaar: This type of fan is the brave soul who will venture out to malls, pay exhorbitant entrance fee to rub shoulders with other YKYs drinking an overpriced watered down drink and cheering the players on screen. Its total paisa vasool if your team wins, you get to do the bhangra with a dhol on the roads. But the effort involved? Kid#2 belongs to this genre of people. He even got lathi charged at the venue he went to. He came home fuming and then watched the match with famiglia. He did come back with India’s flag on each cheek
2. The Andh Vishwasi: This one is armed with lucky glass for water, lucky cup for tea, lucky corner of the bed to sit on. He is found chanting mantras and even foregoing a trip to the loo, who knows, may be his moving will shift energies and Sehwag with be bowled out? Crickitstition (cricket+superstition) is his/her credo. The person may be the most rational person otherwise … but come World Cup all the crickitstition comes to the fore.
3. The Gyaani : This person has cricket trivia coming out of every pore of the body. He entertains you during the Revital and PSPO ads by quoting statistics. He loves giving the AV’s mentioned above jitters by telling them the times when Sachin’s century has led to India’s defeat.
4. The Fanatic : Don’t you dare talk when this person is watching. His eyes can drill holes in the TV screen. Don’t even tell him to breathe or offer him tea. All he wants is that cricket match on the TV. And no! Don’t even titter when tears fall down his cheek. Heavens don’t you dare comment that “India’s lost now that Sachin is gone” or he will have a melt down. He could kill you too, in the moment of frenzy. Let the said person watch in solitary splendor. Tip toe out of the room.
5. The Party Animal : Every occasion is a party for such a person. World cup is more so. Just before the semi finals he went ticking off items on his list 1. Booze – check, 2, Chips – check, 3. Popcorn – check, 4. Food – Check, 5. Ice – Check, 6. Invitations – check. He was so busy. And just as India won, he was issuing invitations/scrounging for invitations for the Finals. Yes, he was in heaven, another party within the week! Bliss!
6. The Agnostic : This group of folk went about their business routines normally. They went to work, came home on time, even bought milk and vegetables while the nation around them were glued to the TV screen with the Fevicol Ka Jod. They would stop at places to check the score, tune in to their mobiles every once in a while to keep abreast, but he world did not stop for them.
7. The Atheist : This breed does not understand cricket. They dont know their mid offs from their mid ons, they dont know their maidens from their overs. (My opinion is that if you know there is a maiden, her maidenhood is over – but I digress). They don’t understand when their spouses go gaga over each 4 and six. Most of all they don’t know what they are missing.
8. The Addicts : They are really busy now, this group of people. They are checking up the IPL schedule and the F1 schedule. They miss the frenzy, the excitement and they need their fix. Thankfully, for them, the IPL is just round the corner.
9. The Sour Pusses :Mercifully there are just a few of these around. They dont understand that Cricket is Religion, they don’t appreciate the fact that cricket surmounts every other difference in this badly divisive nation and gives us huge relief from the scams and other shit life dishes out. They will go on and on about this being trivial, just a game and the roads are still potholed and people are still being killed and robbed. Like I said earlier, mercifully there are just a few of these around.
10. The Cricketweets: I saved this for the last. I am a proud card carrying member of this fraternity. We tune in to the game, log on to twitter and then watch the match with our pals located any where on the globe. We sigh, curse, cheer with them, every over, every ball is discussed. Together we erupted into a manic cheer when Dhoni thwacked the last ball for a six. Sigh it even ripped the letter “J” off my key board, which the dogs chewed up and spat. I am typing this on a stump of the J
Types found in my family
1 Yaron Ka Yaar