Indians and Matrimony

Our society runs on two major forces. Warrior Kings, Dynastic Emperors et all gave way to Presidents and Prime Ministers but the ground realities did not change. The two major forces that run this great land of ours is religion and matrimony.

Heaven help people who do not actively participate (even naam ke vaaste) in these two. An atheist can not survive in this scenario and neither can an unmarried person. Of course there are a few intrepid souls who do, but I shudder to think how much it costs them to maintain such beliefs.

Shail of Shail’s Nest is not the only one who is facing such a problem. My DIL’s parents were facing such pressures, which is why they wanted to wed her as soon as she and Kid#1 said Aye. My friend Jayshree has two sons, both unmarried and a huge batallion of relatives who are showing her prospective brides … and … oh the list is endless.

Truly – matchmaking is a favorite occupation in this country. And be warned, that is not the only favorite occupation. Once the bride and groom are hitched, the kindly souls take it a step further – right into their bedrooms. They want to know why the kids havent procreated. One colleague of mine has a relative who actually sidled up to him and informed him the sexual position in which the sperm hits bullseye. “i’ve tried it. It works” the good man assured him.

Oooh I wish I had been there to hear this exposition.

Well, I have a big big grouse against Kid#1. I had spent years deliberating and thinking about a priceless line I would use to fend off such well meaning queries. He got married before I could use the line. I hope Kid#2 is not stung by Cupid’s arrow just yet. I have to use this line on some prissy dried up prune, once at least.

It would go somewhat like this :

Prune : When is your boy getting married? Anything fixed yet? Why is he not married yet? Something wrong with him? There is a nice girl we know who is good wife-material…

Me : He is too young for marriage.

Prune : Nonsense, he is over twenty and his education is over. You should not wait now. He may bring in someone unsuitable.

Me : If he gets home a woman, it would be fine. I may have issues about a gay match though.

(Yeah, I am gay phobic when it comes to my sons)

Prune : I know of a perfect match for him.

Me : My older one got married before me. Now I have to get married. I am older than Kid#2. Can you please look for a suitable match for me?

I think that would buy me and Kid#2 some time.

I hope the Prune does not come back with a list of “suitable widowers, divorcees” et all for me, though.


10 thoughts on “Indians and Matrimony

  1. So I am that intrepid soul trying to survive in this scenario .. Seriously Ritu how to fend off queries on why one is not married is an art in itself πŸ™‚
    I hope you get to use that line about looking for a groom for yourself.. I wld love to see the old prune”s face then!

  2. Pingback: Sons, marriages and nosey-parkers | Shail's Nest

  3. The word ‘occupation’ which you used is the right word on why relatives are so eager to get people married. Before the matrimony portals, the relatives had a literal monopoly on bringing in good grooms and brides. And charge a hefty sum for their connections! More dowry they bring, more money to them – Simple huh? But now, technology has made them obsolete. Face it – relatives! πŸ™‚

    They are clinging on to their last chance – the threat of a love marriage. This is a threat alright, as children may not always make the right choices – when they are young, they act on emotional grounds (like who is beautiful, etc) and not on facts.

    The whole Indian matrimony system is drowning because of the Tsunami caused by the Internet wave. If its going to be Technology Vs Relatives, you know who’s going to win! πŸ™‚

    Destination Infinity

  4. I am the victim of many such stupid queries and a son in fact. My mom actually finds it shameful that I have a life of my own and go out on saturday. πŸ˜›

    Poor her, I tell her, she must have done something very bad to get a evil son like me but I can’t change being who am i.

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