Alt+Control+Delete@Forty

An article called Alt+Control+Delete@Forty appeared in Times of India and here is the link

http://www.timescrest.com/society/alt-control-delete@40-8155

 

It happens to all women. One minute they are going about their business and the next, wham, they vanish. They are simply not there, not a trace! This occurs roughly around the fortieth birthday;you are busy squinting at the cake when Mankind presses ctrl-alt-delete on you. And then begins the battle for visibility. Like Ash bravely fought at Cannes. She bulges, they said, seeing her for a minute or two.

So begins this article

Invisible at forty?  Not on your sweet batootie.  As many a woman comes to realize, forty is when we blossom.  Move over ye worshippers of sweet sixteen.  I was a horror at sixteen, bratty, rebellious and angry that I had not been given a “twig and giggle berries”.  It is horrible to be a teenager, and even worse to be a female teenager who does not know how to deal with her femininity and all the associated restrictions.  Oh was I angsty!  I don’t know why Karan Johar and other movie makers of his ilk make a huge fuss about this “16 year old” crap.  A teenager is a walking disaster, a time bomb waiting to explode.  And twenties meant adjusting to in-laws and husbands, and thirtys meant kids, homework, school, job … gaah!  No time to even think whether we existed or not.  I mean who cared if people noticed us, we were so busy fulfilling our roles as mother, office worker, wife, daughter in law, daughter and such like …

When you were younger you couldn’t get into a lift without strange men ogling you non-stop till you got out.

Yeh Dilli hai meri jaan!  Men ogle, just because we have boobs, regardless of age.  And sidle up, come closer, try to inhale us and have us feature vivid mental porn videos even while they are punching button number 4 on the lift.  Ever noticed how they take deep breaths while creeping closer, they are inhaling us, and using that smell to form images for their mental porn.  And damn it, why am I getting sucked into this damn game the article writer is playing.  It’s not about the men and their mental porn, who cares what they do to get off?  It is all about us women baby!  And forty is when we know exactly what we need to orgasm and have no qualms about getting it!

There was a time you could get away with political incorrectness as you were ‘just so different’ and now you are, like, psycho, with people saying ‘calm down’ every two minutes to you as if you forgot to take your dementia pills. This is called middle age, as opposed to what no one ever called ‘early age’. So you are just you till that day you can’t carry off skinny jeans anymore. Someone will say, ‘Oh, you still wear shorts’, like you should walk naked now that you’re over 40.

I have never encountered this … have you?  I have always been “just so different” and no one has called me psycho… (as yet!).  This probably explains why no one has yet got murdered by me.  I do have this entirely natural and perfectly justifiable urge to put a period to lives of people who say stupid stuff about me or strain their tiny petty minds to think how they could help me live my life better, more in tune with their likes and dislikes..  And excuse me, my body.  If I think I look great in shorts I’ll wear them.  I find skinny jeans damn uncomfortable so I won’t wear them.  And that is my decision.

And then the article goes on to tell us how to deal with this so-called invisibility.

My dear article writer, please get your face out of your ass and observe.  This is North India, and women above a certain age command respect.  I have witnessed a lone woman thrash a punk just because he touched her inappropriately.  She was forty plus.  No one dared stop her.

I have seen my aunt empty a jug of water on a waiter’s head because he was ignoring her and was going time and again to another table occupied by some giggling teens.

We are not over-the-hill after we hit forty.  That is when we come into our own.  We stop being suppressed, have gotten over the motherhood phase.  We have even stopped being morally uptight.  Now we are ready to kick ass, and that is what we do!

We do not Alt+Control+Delete@Forty.  Update your pimply self, dear article writer, and tighten the belt on your jeans, we do not want to see your butt crack!

 

 

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12 thoughts on “Alt+Control+Delete@Forty

  1. great post. i think the entire media fixation with youthfulness is the biggest joke of all times. most women, and men too, are intolerable asses as youngsters. it takes a good bit of living to smoothen the edges and add that dash of elegance that only age and experience can bring. i really wonder what men who are no longer in their 20s and 30s get so excited about women much younger than them. perhaps it is somewhere between the gloating of having a trophy wife/girlfriend or the feeling of being daddy-like in a pair-bonding relationship. loved your advice and hope the author is reading this too.

    •  @subhorup “Confucious say Man of Fifty marry Girl of 18 … Like buying book for other man to read”  But this obsession with young and nubile women is widespread.  I do wonder how they bond once the lust factor fizzles out.  These men and their young wives/girl friends have nothing in common, not even music, because they belong to different generations.

  2. hehe Good one! Middle age — liberates some, makes others behave like fools. There are all sorts of people at all ages! It is not the age but their individual characteristics that define how they lead their lives.

  3. 🙂 rightly said 
    but as Rachna pointed out its not the age but the MINDSET that defines one .. 
     
    I am the way I am or as i was when i was 15 – 25 – 35 and so on 
     
    and your aunty did good poring that water in the head , I would have added a slap tooooo .. 

    •  @mannbik I agree Mindset is the most important thing and according to mine, I am very young.  Yes, Good for my aunt.  I cheered her when she did that!  

  4. oh yeah!!! Love this post!! We are what we choose to be! I wear the clothes I want to because I want to and I can! ANd, yes, I am sooooo glad to be out of the teens and the twenties! What a mess I was back then!!

    •  @Mom of A and a We all were!  Bundle of emotions and so needy.  I feel positively liberated now, I do not need approval or sanctions to be me

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