Of Mother in Laws and their moral crusadors

I have been blogging for over six years, and have met a lot of bloggers both in the virtual space as well as on terra firma – face to face.  People know me and my family well.  For the newbies my family consists of Elder Son, the author and his pint sized wife known as DIL on my blog, Younger son who is right now making waves in the virtual world because of well … lets leave it at that, and of course our various pets.

What most people also know is that I am too self absorbed.  And I resent any one who tries to manipulate or control me.  So,  I refuse to do the same to others.  I have better things to do.

Given below, in italics is a comment I got on a blogpost on Shail Mohan’s blog The incident narrated on the blog was something I have witnessed myself.  It cut too close to home for me.  Naturally I commented – and this person freaked.  Shial did not put it up, so the commentor left this comment on an entirely unrelated post of mine, the one with the quote from The Social Network …

In the spirit of Freedom of Expression I have copy pasted it here, with my reactions in bold

Hey,

Coming straight from shail’s; you love receiving comments & I would be happy to oblige.

I want to make sure that you don’t miss out on my answer to your comment at that nest dweller’s space.

First things first, I am not a MIL but I can realise the pain of a mother(s). Incident(s) of such nature don’t apply to me.

Oh really, then why are you haunting blogs and trying to advocate a lost cause?

And, I would like to add that my so-called vehemence is in strong contrast to the CALM that characterises such MILs.

Like me?  Happy to oblige.  My DIL would be laughing her guts out.  The darling terrorises all of us!

You misunderstood, I can ignore your mistake since you also wrongly identified me as a MIL.

I am only referring to THOSE DILs who misbehave with their husbands’ parents/siblings for no rhyme or reason.
I NEVER made a generic statement about all the DILs the way you constantly make about all the MILs.

I am a MIL, non generic one.  My DIL is the only girl in the house, and I truly appreciate the feminine power she brings into our home.  I do not make generic comments.

Had a DIL/her supporter been in my place heaping accussations against her MIL, you might have rushed to her rescue as far as you could get on the virtual blogspace and offered your compassion without an iota of doubt on her story

(where’s the need to acertain the real cause and find out the facts because each & every DIL on this earth are always right and tears streaming down their cheeks are obviously genuine & precious pearls; they can never be reptilian in nature)

Isn’t a DIL a human being like the MIL? What makes you assume that she is an angel brought down on earth from heaven and is not capable of tormenting anyone?

Or every DIL can turn evil only when she has been provoked by someone?

You wanted that the SMART son should leave his mother even when she is the one has been wronged?

Have you ever counselled a MAN & guided him to LEAVE his WIFE & walk out of marriage when she is the one who tortures his parents/siblings & then call him SMART?

Honestly, if someone in real life had raged and ranted like you do here, I would personally ask every member of his/her family to take the person and put him/her into therapy.  So much negativity? Tch Tch!

Or is it always the other way around for you?

ANSWER OR ATLEAST PONDER OVER IT.

Hey, don’t say that such one-sided torture by the DIL doesn’t exist.

Do you have a heart?

Can you understand the intense love that a mother can have for her son.

The love certainly doesn’t entitle the mother to misbehave with anyone but why would she, when she loves her son dearly.

My comment was based on the real life experiences of such mothers who adored their sons intensely and embraced their DILs with open arms only to realize that their DILs saw them as as their bitter foes for no fault of theirs.

These DILs (hope you understand when I say ‘these’; I am not talking about DILs; I am referring to those DILs whose sole purpose in life is wreck the relationship the husband has with his parents for no rhyme or reason) deserve extreme sympathy and should always have the husbands on their side up in arms against their own parents.

Now, what will you say?

As a single parent, I am deeply in love with my sons DIL and humanity in general.  I love people.  So I am all heart.  I love humanity in its wholeness, bad and good.  They are so interesting.  May be I will model a character in my next book on you.  You are lovely and unique.  I will enjoy it.

Will you hold yourself accountable if such mothers die (or a life worse than death) of a broken heart if their son deserts them and this isn’t emotional blackmail.

Yes, those mothers are forgiving no matter how heartless and blind that son is to her apathy.

You will live with your two sons and yet you inspire others to leave their mothers/parents. How can you blind to such the pain of a mother as in this case?

You got me here, I must say!  My heart bleeds.  Of course I routinely tell my sons to go and live somewhere else so that I can party day in and day out, may be even back pack through the world.  But they refuse to oblige.

You know what her life would be without her son and then why should she suffer since she is the one who has been wronged by her DIL & the biggest criminal of all, her very own son?

You don’t check the tiffins of your DIL? Who does that? Only people living in hand-to-mouth condition for they don’t have enough resources to fend for themselves and thus insist on equal distribution of resources among all.

I reject this sweet theory of yours.  Women who want to be the power that decides what you eat, how much you eat and where you go and what you spend are control freaks drunk on their power, and why should anyone get to decide for another human?  What is this? Terror tactics?

You think that makes you a good DIL? What a lowly expectation from a good MIL?

Let me say that the love of these MILs for their DILs in question far exceeds your love for your DIL and still it has been met with ingratitude/misconduct/jealousy from the DIL.

Low blow!  Esha, this person thinks you are ungrateful and jealous!  What of, I can’t say.  You can have this space to claw this person’s eyes out, if you so wish!

How can you wish ill upon others and that too an innocent mother; she will die of grief if the smart son moves out for no fault of hers.

A son should always side with his wife even if she is wrong but he should never support/defend his parents even if they are wronged by his spouse. WOW

Don’t you know every journey comes full circle. Don’t break a mother’s heart and be afraid of her curses.

Oh I can live with the curses.  No problem

You live merrily with your 2 sons and you want other innocent people’s/mothers’ houses to turn barren.

I don’t want to stoop down to your level and say that you are solely responsible for your breakup (you called your hubby a mama’s boy; what’s wrong with that; were you looking to ‘mother’ your own husband) I won’t say any of that to you.

Of course I am responsible for the break up of my marriage!  So is every one else who was involved in the marriage. Big Deal!  And yes, wives don’t like husbands to be mama’s boys.  They want them to be men, not babies. What is so wrong in that?

Fine. Don’t pelt stones at people’s houses when you yourself reside in ones made from glass

Ouch!  Do you realize how impractical houses made of glass are?  Expensive too, and the heating and a/c bills will be killing.  So sadly, my home is made of brick mortar and stone.  Just saying ….

In reply I would invite the reader to read this award winning blog post of mine.  This is what I feel is the right way of dealing with being a mother in law, this is what I preach and practise.  Introspection is needed as well as radical change in behavior, to change the image of a mother in law.  Too much bad blood has been created.

THE IRONY OF BEING A MOTHER IN LAW

Edited to add :

The person in question is now sending more comments and also trying to attack me personally.  That is acceptable, but if you try and attack my sons and daughter in law, I will not permit it.  While I am all for freedom of expression, a primary requirement for human beings, I request the person to start a blog and exercise his/her freedom of expression there.  I do not entertain negative people, who are emotional vampires at best and pathetic insects at least.  Please start your own blog and vent.  It will help you.

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34 thoughts on “Of Mother in Laws and their moral crusadors

    • I am a mother in law … best etc is subject to interpretation, but before being one, I am a woman and a human being. I will not treat another human being like dirt or try to curb the person’s freedom and right to dignity. It is an ethic I live by

      • That is what makes you different, maybe. 🙂 Also, this person who-ever he/she is, who gave him/her the right to talk nonsense about people he/she does not even know ? And then he/she says you gave a generic comment. What double standards, I must say.

      • Exactly … double standards and emotional instability. Plus, if I may add, a deep rooted sense of insecurity

  1. Oh this is not over yet?!!!!!
    You notice how the person calls our attention to the word “these” in the sentence, “These DILs (Hope you understand when I say ‘these’ I am not talking about DILs; I am talking of those DILs whose sole purpose in life is wreck the relationship the husband has with his parents for no rhyme or reason)

    Oh lord luv a duck! How is it that this person is blind to the “THESE” and “THOSE” in our posts? Do we have to spell it out to her in words of one syllable that the MILs spoken of in such blogs are THOSE that wreck the relationship between her son and his wife for no rhyme or reason?!!
    Or does she think none else other than her knows the usage of the words ‘these’ and ‘those’?!!!! Give me a break!

    • I noticed it. This person is emotionally unbalanced. I wonder what caused it? Lack of introspection and inability to analyse and come to terms with some events in the person’s life I think. Anyhow, the person wanted to express and vent – I gave him/her an entire blog post … well!

  2. So wait a minute, she rants about what you said on the pretext that you don’t know the details of the lives and relations of the people that are being talked, whereas she herself doesn’t know the details of the relations shared between you, kids1 @2, and DIL. ..

  3. I got the same freedom of expression and free speech bullshit. Why must he/she exercise their right in MY page? And also trying to manipulate me into posting their comment by saying, “if I am irrational, you be a rational blogger and post the comments.” Wow. Whaddya know, I like being rational and NOT post irrational comments. A chance was given, they blew it. Tata.

    • Yeah! And I am the blogger here, you wanna attack someone, attack me. My kids, all three are not the blogger. Stay out of their business or else! Sicko, this person is!

  4. THAT person has a problem, seriously. Else, who will drag an issue so much, why prove a point to some one who does not want to take it?

    • That person displays all the characteristics of an extremely manipulative and controlling psyche. That is why the long argument – trying to brainwash the other person

  5. Talking of ranting!
    Man!

    It is okay to have bitter experiences, it is okay to have had experiences but the whole point of having them in the first place is to know that these things happen, and that should make you more aware, more conscious of people and situations and complications.

    All I can say after reading up this, is that till the time you learn to own up to your faults and you can embrace people in your life, till the time we want to accept people and want our lives to be a wonderful experience, after it all..we go back to our Home..we go back to that place..that is a part of us..we call Family..
    🙂
    Madam Troubled,
    I really advice you to please stop commenting. Stop ranting. Let it go. I am sure things have been difficult for you..But please..choose to be happy..choose to be at peace. Breathe it out!

    Ritu Aunty..
    You are a great MIL and a great person..The best part being that you don’t change your perspectives or expectations about other human beings just based on the relationship they would have with you..

    • Bitter experiences are fine – they teach us to be humble and knock some sense into our heads. They are good for cutting us down to size. But to let them embitter oneself to such an extent? No that is not the way one should live life. And you know what is sad? A family is hurting, waiting for a way back in, but this person has chosen to shut the door. That is what troubles me

  6. Dear God in Heaven! So the crusaders still continues her tirade! I thought that after her first initial comment on Shail’s blog and Shails warning that she won’t entertain nonsense might have just got through her thick skull!!
    Your replies to her Ritu are marvellous! Do you realize how hopping mad the crusader will be after reading them 🙂
    I think everyone has the right to express dissent but the way she is doing it breaks all rules of decorum and decency we follow in the blogging world !

    And on another note – don’t you think you have pulled Kid 2”s leg enough – Though I must say the cyberworld is enjoying every minute of it 😛

    • ROFL You saw that? I could not resist – poor Kid#2!

      Yes I realize how hopping mad she must be … she even implied all sorts of things about the boys and the DIL. The best thing about the virtual world is that one can chose to block people like this. She / he has shut the door on a loving family due to this bitterness. That is sad

    • I have since received three more rants from this person, calling me a home breaker, a liar, and calling my DIL a suppressed voiceless thing, my sons Mama’s boys and so on and so forth ….

      The woman does not know me and my family, and I am surprised at the extent she can go to. She needs to get a life. Or medical help …. perhaps both

      • So it seems a dil in a democratic family is voiceless, while a dil whose thoughts are read and analysed (e.g. she is supposed to wish her mil would splash acid instead of gulaab jal on her face) – is oppressing her family?
        I think the commenter needs to attempt to take an honest, unbiased look at what she is saying.

      • She called me a home breaker and son snatcher. Told me that I oppress my DIL and also oppress my MIL. Oh yes, also that I am a liar. All on the basis on this one blog post. I am impressed, Sherlock Holmes hai

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