Love Shove and All That Jazz

And yes I am really envious of the number of books authors who write about love sell – hence the title of this post.

I wrote a post long time ago about Monkeys and their abysmally low or absent sense of humour.  It was a short story which was taken by CBSE to publish in their 12th Class English text book.  That was a long time ago, in 2008.

Imagine my utter surprise when today morning I logged on and found this gem of a comment on that blog post  :-

Hey This is hard for me because I have never done anything like this.. but I have a huge crush on you. I have never been able to tell you for reasons which you would quickly identify as obvious if you knew who this was. I’m really attracted to you

I am flattered and I am chuffed up.  Thank you sweetheart for making my day!

But I am a bit hurt too

Just “Hey”?  No darling or sweetheart?  No hugs and kisses?  No link that I can go back to?

What rey?

One does need to go and find out more about someone who has made you so happy.  Its natural.

You say its hard for you, because you’ve never done such a thing.  May be that is the reason you forgot or omitted such vital things.  I forgive you.

The next line has me wanting to be Sherlock Holmes.

Who are you?

The email id you’ve given is fake.  Yes I tried finding out, the IP address is NCR. Are you someone who I know?

This throws up interesting options

1.  You are that man who rings me up after 10 p.m. and assures me, (in that sexy low baritone) that your wife is upstairs asleep.  Sweetheart, you are years younger to me, go dial another number.  I am not interested in the neighbourhood gossip. And if you are expecting me to take our relationship to the next level, you are mistaken.  I won’t.

2.  You are the colleague who talks to my boobs.  They don’t have eyes and ears.  Ahhhh maybe that is why the darlings etc were missing in your romantic missive.  I just asked my boobs and they are miffed too.  Love letter hai to darling etc banta hai.

3. You can not be the sabzi wala who tries to peer down my neckline when I am selecting tomatoes – I don’t think he knows English.

4. You can’t be the petrol pump attendant either – same reason as above

5. The nerdy boy in the computer deptt?  May be … but not so sure.

See what you made me do – all the fervour of a romance being initiated has just gone off like a damp squib.  You really need lessons in how to do the thing properly.

Or are you none of the above?  Just a boy with way too much time on your hands?  Go lock your room watch porn, it will be more productive for you – you can have a nice self-love session.  Just saying 😛

I know our elders used to say “Neki Kar Dariya Mein Daal” (Do a good deed and cast your expectations of a return into the ocean) and internet is a huge dariya (ocean) but this is all about love isnt it?

One does expect a return.

Learn how to do the thing properly.

Signing off now

 

 

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32 thoughts on “Love Shove and All That Jazz

  1. I felt angry and sorry too. Angry at the letter-writer and sorry for you. 🙂 Angry because, as you said, at one go, he made you audit and rule out so many admirers. The mysterious joys of the possible! Sorry for the same reason. But think about it – if it was in jest, it was good jesting. And if it were for real – even better. The magic of an unknown lover is greater than the possible let-down of a flesh-and-blood one. Enjoyed the post.

    • I had fun writing it. A secret admirer is such fun :P. I am sure though it is the “Neki kar dariya mein daal” variety of commenters. The blog world is witnessing an upsurge on trolls and such commenters.

  2. oooh la la la la eh chakkar ki hai ..

    but Wah ji wah .. After Reading Amits comment above I would be releived if it was man .. for if its a woman then to panga pad jayega 🙂 he he he he

    and what if its neither of them OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOpssssssssssssssssssss

    • Na rey .. I am all heart. I even tried to contact the love letter waala – sigh it could be a waali too going by the comments above. What rey, no link, fake email id ….

  3. Such characters around us na…they think they are too smart trying to get attention with such comments, but it shows them in poor light !!!

    Loved your take on it, Ritu!!!

  4. Hahaha…who ever it is, I loved the post and had a good laugh.. 🙂 Now I think I miss secret admirers..Wanting to write a post..hehe 😛 Btw, your story got published in CBSE 12th grade english..that’s a woww..congratulations belatedly 🙂

  5. wow! So full of admiration for you to be able to pull in men from all corners with your obvious attractiveness!!! :)) I must say, looking at the letter, that it seems to be from a young guy….who else would be so dorky?!!

  6. Haaayyooo!!!
    Y ME NO GETS ADMIRERS!
    😥

    😛

    It is like you are having the cake and eating it too, Ritu Aunty! Nahi Nahi Nahiiiii!!!! 😀

    Mujhe bhi chaahiye! And kya aap bhi…zara is mystery ke bhi apne suspense ka lutf uthaiyye!! 🙂
    chaa gayi aap toh!

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