Rape and its aftermath

Mark of Shame

I do not think any person in the country is not following the recent rape and its aftermath.

I often write about women, and how strong they are. I admire the spirit of women who live, laugh, love and nurture. But the recent events have shaken me. The thing is – bloggers like me are fortunate. We were born to educated people, nurtured in – maybe not gender equal atmosphere, but were given some opportunities, and since our families loved us, we were not suppressed – not much at least. (Here I am talking about my generation.)

And we were lucky. We did not climb into a wrong bus and got raped.

But we got groped. We encountered sleazy teachers, certain cretins who visited our homes and touched us inappropriately. We went out to buy vegetables and got whistled at, we also had fellow students who tried to – as is euphemistically termed “acted fresh”.

And we were told by our mothers that our brothers and fathers would set the person right – if the act was dastardly. If not, we were told to ignore and move on. Just don’t provoke men. They are “like this only”.

The list of provocative behavior is endless


1. Do not laugh loud

2. Do not talk sweetly … but do not be rude and cold

3. Do not react angrily

4. Do not sing … the servant may be listening.

5. Do not sit outside and read

6. Do not comb your hair in the verandah

7. Do not hang out your underclothes to dry in full view of public

8. Lock your room door before you enter the bathroom, on the chance that the servant may be in your room when you emerge

9. When you talk to your school friends on the phone, do not talk loudly. Your voice should be low.

10. Do not mingle with your brother’s friends.


1. Do not go out alone

2. All the above rules 1-10 have to be observed with suitable modifications.

3. Do not be over familiar with any boy and with girls who have brothers of the same age as you

4. If you have to visit your school friend’s home, your brother will go with you.

Mind you this was the sixties and the seventies. I obeyed. There wasnt much choice.

But did that stop anything? Boys would follow and whistle. There would be cat calls. Me being what I am, I would turn my cycle and charge at them. I would throw stones and shout gaalis. It encouraged them. That was not a deterrent at all.

So behavior as per the above listed rules did not work. Reacting angrily did not work.

What did I want?

Just to live my life …

Forty years have passed. Has anything changed? No.

Sure we are more educated, our girls have been “granted” more freedom. But has the country changed? Have the men who walk the streets changed? No and they won’t. Because they do not think they are responsible.

It is the woman’s fault. She is the instigator, she asks for it.

What did the girl who got raped want? What was she asking for?

She bought a ticket on a bus and wanted to go home. That is all she was asking for…. She was not asking for rape.

She was wearing decent clothes. She was accompanied by a male friend.

This, as per Shiela Dixit and Delhi Police is appropriate behavior, and falls within the norms of safe practice.

But the rape happened.


Men who do it are the rapists. They are the violators. Men rape women and children. That is a fact.


10 thoughts on “Rape and its aftermath

  1. Do not know how to drill this into the minds of thousands in this country. Until they believe this basic point, I see nothing that will change in the next 40 years also.

  2. The best way one could ever express.. this is how it is!!
    I think from ages, everyone has given men the liberty by saying, “They are like that only.” Why?
    A man shouts at his wife, she is advised to shut up and bear it. Why? Men are like that only.
    A man forces himself at his wife. She is advised to give in. Why? Men should not be denied what they ask.

    When men are given such “HIGH” statures by their better halves, one can imagine what kind of respect they would be having for completely unrelated women, with whom they have no emotional or any connection whatsoever.

    They are like that only.
    Sudharofy yourself, girl!! You are always at fault. Even when you are raped. Even when you are abused. Even when you are beaten up. You are at fault. Because, you are a woman. And men are like that only.


    • The President’s son made a sexist remark. His sister apologized for him. He withdrew his statement later. Wives, daughters, sisters apologize when men get drunk and act inappropriately. We need to stop doing that. The man should be held responsible.

      • I agree… but are they ever? It’s always about how women dressed, how women behaved, what time they went out, who they went out with… I wonder how these stupid pretexts apply to infant babies who are also made victims of such heinous crimes.

  3. We’re justified in our outrage. Perhaps even the mild violence and disorder at the site of the protests is justified. I mean what do they expect from us? Where do we go for justice and solutions when noone is ready to even lend you a kind ear? No one of the higher echelons of the administration is interested. They only pay attention to you when things go out of hand like now. Why had they been behaving like a bunch of sitting ducks for so long? A crime of such unspeakably grisly proportions was needed to wake them up? And even now they’re being evasive and vague. The protests need to continue.

  4. Pingback: The right to be Human «

  5. Unfortunately, there is a bunch of worthless jerks who think the exact opposite as you have quoted, and therein lies the problem. The ‘bunch’ I am referring to has been raised in the same misogynist, chauvinist atmosphere which has prevailed in our country. It is worse in rural areas(khaps.. for instance).

    When thousands and thousands of years ago, someone came up with this bright idea, it stuck. The idea must have been: “Hey… God has planned that we men should dominate… etc…etc…” And so it has been going on and on and on… (Wow… I managed to put it so bluntly)

    But this will change, and has already started changing. But would we be able to see a better future? In our lifetime? It remains to be seen.

    “Words of today are the gospel of tomorrow.”

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