And yes this post is simply to cater to my Drama Queen soul, since I spent my new year eve in hospital.
Yeah, I need serious sympathy here. You all are allowed to have any of these responses.
1. Gasp, OMG Ritu, hope you are well
2. You poor thing
3. You are such a brave person.
And if you join my two sons and DIL in scolding me, blaming me for taking my health for granted and any such response, we will have issues. I may even go to the extent of not speaking to you any more.
I kid you not, I have been scolded, I have been threatened with dire consequences ad nauseum. My diet is being monitored. Entirely unnecessary I assure you. I am shocked, chastened and entirely scared.
I had some kind of a heart problem. And I thought it was gas. I never knew that gas and acidity are signs of an impending heart attack. Well one lives and learns …
And I got some awesome free ka gyan – on new year eve
1. Heart problem???? Women don’t get it
(Oh yeah? tell my ticker that! Hello heart, you are female, please realize it and stop acting up. By the way, isn’t this such a sexist comment?)
2. Doctors lie you know. How do you know its your ECG report in your file?
(Errr do you love watching conspiracy theory movies? I love the thought that someone else’s ECG will have a place of honour in my medical files.)
And then my visits to hospitals come with their own highs and lows …
I tell you they are EVENTS!
On 29th night I had rajmah rice and had a spell of acidity. I dismissed it because well – if you have beans in the night you deserve it.
The next day I went to work after popping a lot of antacid. It worsened to the extent that on 31st Kid#2 pronounced that I looked like shit and I needed a doctor.
People who know me will not need to read any more.
I have this perfectly firm belief that I am invincible and I never need a doctor.
So I was bullied, scolded, cajoled and convinced that we were going to the G.P. in the neighbourhood. Him I can handle. So I got into the car – and got driven to the hospital. Kid#2 and I got into a fight. Especially when we were told the OPD did not function on Sundays and I was to be taken to the emergency.
I cheered up somewhat when I saw the Costa Coffee outlet. I thought that once we met the doctor, we would get a coffee at Costa and then drive back. It was new year eve and I looked forward to wearing my cute new dress.
Bas itna sa khwaab …
Of course it did not work out like I planned …
Doctor said ECG
I said no, I want something for acidity
Doctor pulled rank
I dug heels
Suddenly we had two nurses and 3 doctors around me.
Outnumbered, I shut up and submitted for the ECG
Result … I had an impending heart attack and needed an angiogram.
Pouf! Rebellion vanished. The son heaved a sigh of relief and signed a bunch of papers for my angiogram. I looked at him reproachfully, saw the concern in his eyes and suffered pangs of conscience. He is a good man! And I am a brat.
So I got wheeled into the angio theatre.
Ever seen Sci Fi movies? Swear that room was out of one of those sets. We had this huge machine with humongous pipes branching out of it. Some of those pipes ended up in monitors that actually wore surgical masks. And someone gave a command at the machine.
Them monitors dipped, turned and approached me from various different angles.
My ticker quailed.
That was not enough. They shaved me and then stuck a needle right erm in that neighbourhood. Not pleasant. Then some ink was stuck into me through the needle. The doctor – a chatty pleasant person – set up a running commentary as she explained what she could see.
She and I were watching the same monitor … but she saw a heart
I saw an octopus
She told me my main arteries were clear.
So I did not tell her that what we were looking at was an octopus, not a heart. Why spoil a good thing?
She told me that some stupid capillary in some distant branch was acting up. It was completely blocked and they would try to clear it with blood thinners.
I perked up. I was going to get that Costa Coffee …
I must place on record here that I never got it!
What I got was 24 hours in CCU, 24 more hours in a hospital bed and then was sent home
Cest La Vie …
I spent new year eve in CCU 😦
By ten in the night I told kiddo “You go and get drunk or whatever! I’m going to sleep.”
I mean I was rigged up with drips and monitors that beeped and pinged and such like. I wasn’t going any where, so someone needed to have fun. I mean it was new year eve for heaven’s sake! So why deprive him?
He resisted the urge ( I love him for that ) but eventually gave in, after leaving his number with every nurse in the ward and even scribbling it on a post it and putting it on my bed.
The next day I got shifted to a room. Ahhh bliss (or so I thought!)
Minor hiccup no. 1 : No Times Now. Such a huge hospital and they dont subscribe to Times Now !!!!! Blasphemy
Minor hiccup no. 2 : Hospital Food
Minor hiccup no. 3 was discovered in the night
I was on a drip and it did unpleasant things to my bladder. And the nurse would not remove the drip.
I had to get my pajamas changed since I could not control it.
I begged and pleaded but nurses are nurses. They listen to doctors and not patients. So it was either live with a leaky bladder or take matters in my own hands
I had a bottle of Aquafina on my bedside. Every ten minutes I spilled water on the bed and the pajamas and called her.
I kid you not, I kept a close watch on the wall clock. After every ten minutes I spilled some water and called her.
Finally she removed the drip. Phew
I had a good night’s sleep.
The next day I got the news that the blood thinners worked and I could go home.
So now I can proudly say that this hospital visit is almost as eventful as the last one, you can read about that one here