What’s in it for me?

What’s In It for Me? … another post at Parentous where I talk about my kids when they were teenagers


Who but a teenager would think that if he hid his report card the parent would not find out?

And they believe in magic. It is not surprising to me that Harry Potter and Twilight did so well. Who but a teenager would think that if he hid his report card the parent would not find out? And who but a teenager would actually believe changing 30 into 80 on his class test paper (it’s just two deft strokes of the pen) would work?


Read the rest here




Motherhood and Grown Up Sons

When I was not yet twenty, I brought my first-born son home. I sat the whole night watching him sleep, get up, stretch, yawn, poop and pee, simply fascinated. I was in love, and how! No one, nothing mattered. It was just me and the little man! I decided that everything could wait, life could wait, I could wait until he turned into an adult and then parenting would be over.

Parenting Grown-Up Kids - Parent-Adult Son Relationship - mom and kids


Oh, how wrong that was!

Now first-born is almost 30, the second one is right now on his very first tour in his very first job. The train is about 7 hours late and I am sitting at work agonizing about his safety, praying that his first tour is wildly successful and that he nails the work he has gone for. I also pray that he gets a good hotel room and can sleep well at night.

The life of a mother with grown up kids.

Read the rest here

My Victory Dance

Well I tried, and I tried and tried to be a saint, to not dance a victory dance over the ashes of painful memories

Naah Forget It!

This is my victory dance, and I am dancing it.

And if I step on toes, break a few bones, draw some blood, it does not matter. I have to have my dance.


To the person who told me that my sons would grow up to be losers, since they did not have a Dad –

You misjudged me and you misjudged my boys. I never said that your kids would not amount to much – but they have NOT! Why? They had a mom and dad! They should have been like Sachin Tendulkar or Shah Rukh Khan, since they did not have a broken home.

I did not tell you to STFU then, but you made me cry. You made me sit up nights staring at the boyish figures asleep in bed and wonder if what you said was right. To be afraid that may be what you said would come true.


To the person who said “Ek din muh chupa kar royegi, koi aansu ponchne wala bhi nahin hoga” just because I listened to the boys and believed in their dreams instead of being negative about them. I am laughing, I am smiling, I am living with them in their dreams. And of the dreams that did not succeed – well we lived them too. I have not hidden my face and wept, I have never needed to.

Any crying and full on drama that happens at the Phoenix House happens openly. Oh we have wars – but no heartaches. Even at the peak of temper we know we love each other and belong to the same family.

To the person who thought I give my sons too much bhav and they would grow up spoilt and pampered. That these boys I adore would use me and throw me. Hey they are my sons, and they love me as much as I love them, so fuck you.

And to the various suitors/prospective husbands who thought, rather expected that I should

a) Give them my complete salary
b) Bring up their kids
c) Send my boys to hostels because their kids came first
d) Look after their parents and leave mine

All for the dubious advantage of having a husband – what for, I don’t know

Look me in the face and answer the question

Did you really think I was dumb?


Who’s the WO – MAN eh?

This victory dance is because now both my sons have graduated, got good degrees and have reached adulthood without being delinquents, commitment phobic men, drug addicts or alcoholics INSPITE OF ALL THE FUCKINGLY CREEPY PREDICTIONS MY SO CALLED FRIENDS AND WELL WISHERS DISHED OUT

Some common parental beliefs

tujhe suraj kahun ya chanda
tujhe deep kahun ya taara
mera naam karega roshan
jag men mera raaj dulaara


Should I call you sun or moon

Should I call you lamplight or stars

You’ll light up my name

In this world my darling babe …

I was watching Sony Mix and this song came up.  I have heard this song in my childhood, and loved the emotion and depth of love Manna Dey put into the lyrics.  That was then and this is now …

My sons are Cesarean births.  I was fully conscious albeit kind of trippy for both births and I saw them being taken out of my tummy.  I remember thinking it pretty symbolic when the doctor cut the umbilical cord.  It, to me, symbolized that here was a baby, another person … who had his/her life to lead.

I think I led mine and built my own identity, and reputation.

It would be pathetic if all that I built and created depended on someone so much my junior to uphold or besmirch….

I can feel pride and joy in their achievements

Or shame if they transgress boundaries and err

Grieve if they get hurt

But its all about them – not me

In short – its their lives

Is it not?


Happy Wedding Anniversary

And the son and his wife got married today, 4 years ago …..

You know what 4 years of marriage does to you?

Four years ago, on this day, the bride went to a beauty parlour, dolled up and came to meet the groom in all her finery.  The groom decked up too.  This is what they looked like

Please ignore the mother in law and brother in law …. they came as a package deal in the wedding.  Something like Do ke saath do free 😉

Today the two of them woke up at 12 noon, and then sleepily came downstairs for breakfast.  After breakfast (which we had at 2 in the afternoon) I brought out the cake which they cut.

Love (or is it simply being comfortable in your own skin) means celebrating your anniversary in your night clothes without dolling up, heck without even taking a bath 😆

Isn’t the cake simply lovely?

Motherhood is not for wimps Part 2

I wrote a post long time back complaining that bringing up two boys without a father is stressful! Motherhood or single parenting is definitely not for wimps
My sons not only text each other from the loo, they leave us women at home and go partying out together.

Sometimes the results are disastrous

I have one pilot and one mechanical engineer in the making as offsprings

Well they have re-engineered the car – perhaps they were making it fly

Its been a long sleepless night since Kid#2 who was driving got concussed. He still does not remember how he did this. Kid#1 somehow managed to get him to the hospital, (mercifully nothing broken – just bruises).

I wanna retire from parenting

I wanna run away


But I am going away Ma!

For the past almost two years Kid#1 has been one foot in Philllipines and one foot in home sweet home.  To me who has not been out of town for years on end it sounds exciting.

To him who hates Phillipino food, it sucks bigg time.  Apparently they add sugar to all the food.  Every thing tastes sweet, which is a big no no for a true blood Punjabi vampire

Okay – lets ammend that to True Blood Punjabi Carnivore

I almost said “I love you Sookie!” in a gravelly vampire tone, OMG I love that series

So we have one hyper Kid#1 in the home, who wants to eat

1. Aloo Meat

2. Poshto

3. Baghare Baingan

4. Aloo Matar Vadi

5. Atta Halwa

6. Poori Halwa

7. Biriyani

and other things made with love by Mom.  Standard refrain being “But I am going away Ma!”  It is completely immaterial that the trip will hardly last three months!

I am flattered!  I love the fact that my kid misses some stuff that I cook.

What escapes me is that Kid#2 has stopped going to college for the past couple of days “Because Bhai is going away Ma!”

Now that is what I call Chance Pey Dance Marna!

Editor’s note :

Since readers are wanting an update on what DIL is up to ….

Well, DIL is the first one to demand her choice of food … from both her Ma and her MIL, she makes hay – bigg time

As for cooking !

She set rice to cook in the rice cooker last night!

We got some characterless ricey melange today morning – it was not a particularly happy choice for breakfast – we all passed it 😆

Does anyone know some magic that can be done to overcooked rice?

The X and the Y matters

I think I really had it easy as a kid.  Was the first daughter after a long ffffffffreaking long run of male children and made much of.

Then I had two sons ….

Even the dogs I had were male …..

The cats I kept did not matter since they know they do not belong to Earth and are here on temporary visa anyway!  So they keep to themselves.

Well the scene sure has changed!

For such a long time in the house I was the only one with a Y chromosome (correction, the only one with a XX chromosome!  Thanks people)

Now I live in the house of estrogen.

Two sons and two dogs are male but they cant keep up with two women and one female dog!

Welcome to hormone nightmares!

I am menopausal and can be totally unreasonable

DIL is queen of drama, so she can out-do menopausal me any time.

So where does this all take us?  Straight into the “Ismey tragedy hai, Ismey no one understands me hai, Ismey I will not listen to logic hai, ismey nobody loves me hai, Ismey you better listen to me hai”

Yeah like I said – Even one of the dogs is female

Two men and two male dogs are no match for

Jeannie the “Oh look at me I am so pretty dog”

DIL the I know I am right even if (in rare cases) I am wrong …. and gawd help you when my PMS flares up


ME , the no one loves me appreciates me values me I wanna go back to the galaxy far far away that I belong to.

Pheww !!! This is why protein bars will never work in my home.  Chocolate is the only solution.  I am gonna buy sackfulls, the stock is low!