Motherly Rant

My kids are adults, or so would they like to believe. I seriously wonder. Consider this, at the first sign of cranky or irrational behavior on my part, the boys react the way adolescents react globally, with the eye-roll. This is then followed by : You don’t even have a uterus, how can you be pms-ing. Then the martyred expression, the deep sigh and they scatter, I mean, one minute they are here, the next they have vanished pouf! Back to their playstations, manga and their vampires and what not.

I tend to see red when I get the bills,

Or wake up in the morning to find a huge stash of empty beer bottles on the dining table and two young men on their way to bed when I am ready for breakfast!

Or walk into the house after a full day’s work to find them lazily wandering, towel in hand, for a bath, loo-wards.

What’s with you guys and your body clocks? Why can’t you sleep, eat and be awake when the rest of the world does? And, if you want to keep these hours just move to a different time zone people!!!

I know for sure I would have a better audience for my rants if I had huge canines and liked to drink blood for a living. Or if I traveled warp speed, came to earth and killed earthlings for a career. Hah! That would freak them eh?

DIL I feel for you! Really do. If Kid#1 were my husband, he would have been dead meat! Less said about Kid#2, the better.

Their way of retaliating is by saying, Ma is crazy …. All women at menopausal and post menopausal ages are insane, only in Ma the insanity is aggravated and more pronounced. The latest is that Ma is bi-polar or maybe senile. I am seriously considering cutting of food rations and car privileges….. may be even their respiratory organs.

Sigh, those were good old days. You stood your full height, invoked few guaranteed to trigger guilt phrases : I am your mother, I carried you for nine months, paid your bills, you OWE me biggg time! Nothing works now. I think I should start writing my will, or carry print outs of what the law says about disinheriting your children and leave them at strategic places. That may work!

And don’t for Godssake say β€œShe’s menopausing.” I don’t have the apparatus for that, remember my hysterectomy?

And don’t make the mistake of thinking of me as a wee matronly harmless woman. :mrgreen:

I am all powerful, I have a blog πŸ˜† 😈

And if you think I am insane, just check out the quotation right below :

β€œInsanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.” Sam Levenson

HALLA BOL

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68 thoughts on “Motherly Rant

  1. I am so sure….my mom says the same abt me nowadays πŸ˜›

    But then they are phases I know i am in this career deciding phases so maybe a yr or two from now when my life is planned I will be better……but seriously such lifestyles post marriage i detest….my bro and sis in law have it ….and had they been in India my mom wd have been like u πŸ˜›

    Just generation issues….we value parents when we enter their shoes….but they love u……just a phase….let them have kids they will know πŸ˜›

  2. halla bol!!!
    wow, Ritu, I loved this post.. just like I do, most of your other familial posts πŸ˜‰ Had me laughing through this. As for boys and their body clocks, there is seriously something wrong… they sleep when others are wide awake, and are full of energy when the rest of the world is snoring! Crazy folks πŸ˜‰

  3. “I am all powerful. I have a blog!” Yeah don’t let anyone forget THAT! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜†

    About the body clock. It’s the same here (I suppose everywhere). But I thought when the senior son went to the US, his body clock would be in tune with the time there. But what do I find?? Again late nights and late-r mornings! πŸ˜† Now it seems his body clock is attuned to IST!! πŸ˜†

  4. What’s wrong with sleeping in late? I see nothing wrong. It’s just one of those liberties that are denied when we start working so I make the most of weekends.

    PS. Do not say anything the next time. Silence works better than anything else.

  5. Please please tell me its only with boys and not with girls..dare R tell me all then when I am 50 and she is 20…I will spank her..though thats still years away πŸ™‚ btw…lovely post and great quotes…especially the last one on insanity from children..its true we do inherit them…ask my parents they will agree to you πŸ™‚

  6. awwwwwwwwwww poor boys… now i can understand what they are going through… and what do you mean by body clocks.. JAB SAARI DUNIYA SO RAHI HAI , TO why shud WE SLEEP.. areee thats the time to chill out without tension ki someone will stop… just imagine All open , no one to stopp, lost on our own world and if we drive then empty roadsssssssssss…

    Its not about body clock its the PLANNNNNN …

    and look at the mother having breakfast while kids are walking for bed areeeee unko poocho kuch khana to nahin, you know how it feels morning after.. neembu paani, koi snack wack DO unko .. kamaal hai

    he hehehe ok ok i have pulled ur leg a lot now dont want that threat coming towards me now … πŸ™‚

    nice one he hehehehe

  7. hahaha Ritu, you sound so much like my mom. Whenever me n my sis get on her nerves, she says things like ‘I have already cut you from the will..you both are adopted anyways’ or ‘I will spend all my money drinking beer and leave HUGE debts for you to pay’ haha.
    And all we do is roll our eyes :).

  8. ROFL!! I just loved, loved LOVED this post. Specially the last line! So you have declared full on war, eh? πŸ˜€ I am thinking I should never introduce you or your blog to my mom, though πŸ˜‰

  9. That was a cute post. I too trouble my mom with stories of bloodsucking vampires and noisy banshees. πŸ˜› Well, I’m not as spoilt as your kids…might be just 50%.

  10. Hilariously true! I can imagine the blood curdling war cry beginning in your throat Ritu! Sigh! I can totally relate to missing the days when one cud stand one’s full height and stare down commands at the little midgets!!! It actually worked! My god! What on earth happened since then! And now even the youngest, my dawter, has decided to tower over me!How unfair, as it just makes the yelling down at, infinitely less possible as well as less lethally powerful ! tch! Sigh…pre teens-, I tell yathose were the days! Loved your post!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Hi

    Iam first ime here, your blog is very interesting, and i tell you, u r a cool mil man, read ur karva chauth post, seriously i envy ur dil πŸ™‚
    hey btw visit mine too

  12. First time delurking to comment although have visited your blog a few times before. Looks like you have changed the look of your blog and it looks awesome. You have a great sense of humor and it shows very well, when your write about your kids and DIL. Love reading ’em.

  13. Ritu,
    that was out n out hilarious .
    Oh motherhood! and its ever changing challenges. You life is a window to my future . Good to keep me forwarned . Thanx .
    BTW, i am curious about the Karwa chouth post mentioned by Shakti. could not trace it though. I would appreciate , if you give us the link.
    kirti

  14. Ritu, just loved your rant…. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    OMG !!! Those boys na….

    So far, I’ve faced only the eye-rolling things from my girls…but I do get comments behind my back that Mom is mad…dont go near her…Ufff, all those for making them do some household work…. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

    Yeah…yeah…you are more powerful with your blog !!! I agree !!! πŸ™‚

  15. hahaha i know this story quite well…not from your POV,obviously…
    I have this theory which explains why women are crazy all the time…
    Theyre either PreMSing,menstruating,or PostMSing…
    The month can be split up into these 3 phases,thus indicating, that women are crazy all the time…
    As for menopausal and above,theyre crazy cuz it takes time to adjust,after a lifetime of menstruation…
    Only after they become grannies,does normalcy set in…

    Great post,anyhow…
    Really like the blog…

  16. hahahaah Ritu. Well said. Your writing is evocative. I feel for you. I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old and they’re already gifted with selective hearing and they already exchange glances when i’m ranting. What’ll I do when they get older. Better save up for post-menopausal home!

  17. Yeh nalayak ladke! I have two and looks like they get worse with age. And here I was waiting for them to grow older, now I am seriously scared. I liked your revenge though :).

    • Toh-tally! Yeh nalayak ladke πŸ˜› Oh, they don’t care about the revenge. Unless it is anything on an LCD screen, with fangs or from outer space, it does not exist. We can add UFC to the list too

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