Bad Weather

I went to see the latest Shahid Kapur movie Mausam.

Folks, sympathise with me, puhleese.

Lots of spoilers ahead, but since you will be warned and wont waste money on such drivel, I think I can go ahead.

Mausam … you know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of the lines from The Song of the Ancient Mariner … We sailed like a painted ship upon a painted ocean.

Yeah, precisely. The story did not even move an inch. We have this girl and this boy, she is Kashmiri and he is a Punjabi. They meet at various intervals in a span of ten years. The world burns, but they keep mooning over one another.

All the disasters that can happen, they encounter

1. Mumbai bomb blast … check
2. Kargil War … check
3. 9/11 … check
4. Ahmedabad riots … check

All these things happen, they keep getting lovesick, and they dont even contact each other!!! Sheesh, havent they heard of mobile phones, facebook and smses???

She writes to him …

SNAIL MAIL?????

And lovesick couple, dont you get it? Even the Gods dont want you together, whenever you meet each other, terrorists strike!

Oh yeah – story

There isnt any 😀

There is just the news items I am talking about, and their love.

And I dont know how it ended okay

I walked out once they miss each other at the Ahmedabad railway station.

Mausam is truly bad weather

Or worse

It is smogy, airless and boring

Delhi Belly, Movie Review

It took me a few days to “get” the double meaning of the song D K Bose, and that too, when my maid looked at Kid#2 humming it to himself and said, “Bhaiyya gaali kyun de rahe ho?”

Damn! Khair I went and changed the hitherto fused bulb in the brain and started pestering famiglia to take me to see the movie.

Saw it on Sunday. What an experience.

As a country we have evolved, at least in the urban set up. We don’t turn a hair on instances of pre marital sex, we don’t get shocked at sexual dialogue. I sincerely hope that moral posturing is on its way out. I hate the holier than thou type of movies.

Well, if you want to see the filthiest bachelor pad ever – Delhi Belly shows you one. It even has a balcony which gives you an amazing view of a pole with more electric wire than you’d ever want to see. And the bathroom – ewww! The chronic water shortage in Delhi also gives opportunity for good laughs. Take a severe case of diarrhea, no water, 4 cartons of orange juice in the fridge and fill in the blanks.

This bachelor pad is shared by Taashi, a journalist (Imran), a photo journalist cum blackmailer Nitin (Kunal Roy Kapoor) and Aroop (Vir Das) a cartoonist who is in love with a girl who dumps him for a NRI groom and hates working for a creative director who is totally unimaginative.

Taashi has a bimbette as his girl friend (Shenaz Treasury) who lands the three in a situation where they are fleeing criminals for three days. It gives ample opportunity for the film makers to show us the city in all its character.

If expletives, potty humor and sexual innuendos don’t freak you out, Delhi Belly is right up your alley. Needless to say, I had a ball. The dialogues are a winner, the acting is good and so is the situational humor.

Honestly, I found Imran’s acting okay but not too hot. Kunal Roy Kapoor as the photojournalist, Nitin, who suffers the most violent case of indigestion ever (all three days of it) as they flee was awesome. Vijay Raaz as the crime boss with a Haryanavi accent was impressive.

But the winner as per me is scriptwriter Akshat Verma, the man who wrote the story of Delhi Belly – and the one liners that stay with you for a long time after the movie.

My sons were impressed, they thought it was a Indian Guy Ritchie movie. Come to think of it, I am impressed too. Never knew that Indian movies could evolve so much, from the staple fare of family dramas to an edgy and whacky movie like this one

Band Baja Baraat, Movie Review

The moment I saw the poster at the local mall, Shocking Pink with bright blue script and lots of gold and silver …. I knew it was a movie to see.  Kya kahen, I am a Dilli waali right?  Bling and Chatak is fashion statement, hai na?  So I just had to see the movie.  So me and my fellow blogger Kid#1 urf Ishaan went off last night to see it.  Mast!

If you want to see a feel good Karan Johar kind of movie, this is not it.  If you want to see a refreshing Delhi based tale of two “Binness Partners” this is it.

And if you want to see shaadis, right from the Janakpuri small budget ones to the theme oriented Sainik Farms ones and extravagant Rajasthani palatial ones, with lots of bling, this is the right movie.

Two young people, Bittoo Sharma and Shruti Kakkar start a wedding planners business or binness has Bittoo calls it.  She is the brains, he is the gung ho attitude.  Won’t tell you more – it’ll spoil your fun.

Ranveer Singh is awesome as Bittoo.  I swear, I am all for fresh blood in our film industry.  Star sons do not have the fire or the refreshing attitude.  This boy brings a fresh energy with him, he truly lived the role.  Another thing, he is manly, unlike the full body waxed Khan boys.  I love the retrosexual male.  Anushka Sharma is underrated.  She has more talent and emotive skills in her little finger than Dipeeka Padukone has in her entire svelte body.  Please give her more movies.

Leaving you with the song Aiveyin

One proof of the entertainment quotient of the movie

Me : Loved the Haryanavi lad making it big in the snooty Delhi Page 3 types. It is so Dilli! He calls biscuit biskut, and yada yada

Ishaan : Actually thinking back, he was kinda cheap hai na?

Ishaan is very prim and proper. He does not approve of men wearing slippers. He has to be properly dressed, with shoes and socks. He looked so shocked that he enjoyed the earthy character even so ….

Me : ROFLing away

Signs that we are finally coming of age

I saw Kameeney and I loved it.  It gives me great joy to see Indian cinema getting more mature.  Thank God that we do not have to be holier than thou or perfect and do herogiri any more.  I mean, we still like the macho stuff but it is not mandatory.

The signs were there in a movie called Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na in which Sharukh fails and gets a fraud mark sheet to impress his father.

Dil Chahta Hai had Saif robbed by a Gori that he picks up at Goa, and Akshaye making a very bad choice in the woman in his life and sticking by it.

Even women’s sexuality has come of age.  I remember enjoying the fact that Rani wakes up after a night spent with Saif in Hum Tum with a big smile.  There was no guilt or regret.  She is simply sated and happy.  It felt apt and natural.

Here we have Priyanka pretending to stammer to get her guy, fighting off her brother’s goons for him, and even rushing him into marriage.  I loved the romp in the hostel room, the search for the missing condoms, her dialogue

“I toh like you without ca ca ca clothes only!”

It was natural, normal and heck it was fun!  So was Shahid’s unsuccessful attempt to weasel out of the consequences of the resultant pregnancy. It wasnt herogiri but it was natural.  Life isnt about herogiri anyway.  Its about getting by, dreams not coming true, or being replaced by others.  Opportunities striking at the most inopportune moments ……..

I loved the fact that it depicts two brothers (twins no less) who hate each other, and have not even seen each other for 3 years.  Dudes muscular Shahid looked hot, not the choco boy he normally is.  Dhan Tanaa was such a guys high on testosterone kind of song!

Loved the stammer and the lisp … its so original!

Acting was good, so was the story and the editing.  I think Vishal Bharadwaj has another winner after Omkara.  Omkara made Saif, and this will definitely make Shahid.

Heck never knew Vishal Bharadwaj had a quirky sense of humour … can you simply imagine a song about condoms?!!!! My mother would have freaked – Yup  she would have! 😆

Priyanka desperately needed a movie that showed her impish side – and this did.

Go see Kameeney!

New York …. Why?

WARNING : SPOILERS AHEAD!

I don’t know what Yash Raj movies wanted to say, and I dont know why they wanted to say either!  I think this movie had a poor script and even worse casting.

It is about these three very “with it” dudes studying in New York.

As it happens in Indian movies, no one is actually seen doing anything but romping around the lawns and racing around buildings.  Not one scene even mentions the courses they are taking.

Khair, that is how Hindi movies are ……

John and Katrina look too old to be undergrads.  I say this with a qualifying “if” because abroad you have the sovereign right to continue educating yourself till you are 35, but dudes you are Indian.

Neil looks like an undergrad, but other than that ….. he looks like a wuss!

They are buddies, just because Neil has the hots for Katrina and John does not know about it! LOL!!!!  Any way 9/11 happens, John gets arrested by FBI as a suspect and gets tortured.

Neil has already left and does not know.

John and Katrina get married and have a kid.

The torture scenes were a bit hard to believe.  Did Human Rights go on a vacation?  Was there no reaction?

And later on in the movie John heads a Terrorist Sleeper Cell!????

Any one who heads a sleeper cell is a suspicious bloke!  Cant say why he did not get it that his best buddy loves his wife.

Neil is roped in (coerced, framed etc etc ) by FBI to re-enter the lives of his pals to spy on John.  Only Irfan and his boss know about this sleeper cell and this plan. Hello?!

Actually Irfan as the ciggy smoking pasta hating America loving desi was good.  He’s married to an Italian and hates pasta and cheese.  Nice touch.

Neil looks too comfortable spying on his pals.  John looks too gullible.  Katrina looks hot – the only good point.

This movie could have been a thriller – but it was boring.

I was laughing when John was planting cellphone bombs on the outside of  the FBI building disguised as a window cleaner, in broad daylight

Seems like FBI is a group of chumps

Human Rights went on leave …..

So did the brains of the story writer …

Please guys, we’ve been starved for movies since the PVR strike.  Dont give us bilge-water!

Over reaction and Storm in a Thimble

Take I kg of  Deewar – or any other Bhai-Bhai movie

Marinade it in masala (not desi) overnight

Add 250 gms of a lesser known Hindi movie Pranali – its about under age sex workers

Add 300 gms of class conflict from snooty upper class …. who are gareebon ke dushman – remember NamakHalal “I can talk inglis, I can walk inglis” Any Hindi movie fits the bill.

Cook it on slow fire

Add tadka of police interrogation from pot bellied cops … remember Ghayal?

Serve hot – with a garnish of Golden Globe

And you have a brand new tasty dish called Slum Dog Millionaire

My questions

Ismey kya naya hai?  Just the angrezi name Boyle and classy cinematography

Ismey kya burai hai?

Its a wonderful movie.  F&^k the guys trying to gain free publicity out of it

Total entertainment and paisa vasool

I downloaded it and watched – so dont look at me surprised.  The curiosity got to me

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

This has been edited to add the latest news

😀

Mr Bacchhan says Oscars are not the ultimate recognition!!

Me thinks the gentleman doth protest too much.

Angoor khatte hain Sahib!

😛

Like I said earlier “Really bad form old chap, grown men should not cry”

EMI : A review

EMI liya hai to chukana bhi padhega.

This is a hilarious take on the current scenario.  Banks keep ringing up and offering credit cards and easy personal and car loans.  People fall into the debt trap and then recovery agents get into the act.  The subject is topical – the four stories of the defaulters, how they take their loans, how they end up defaulting the payments – very interesting.  The father+son story is so believable (not surprising, Kulbhushan Kharbanda is a very fine actor), the young couple that plans their marriage on EMIs was very interesting – imagine planning everything, home+laptop+car+honeymoon+wedding expense totally on EMIs. Oh wow!  The other two stories were something I could not relate to – but hilarious nevertheless.  Malaika sizzles as usual and Arjun Rampal is so handsome that I can forgive him for not being plausible.  Less said about Urmila, the better – though she looked and acted better than she did in Karzzzzzzzzzz.

The movie is not sleazy – it has good clean comedy.  Sanjay Dutt as Sattar Bhai, the successful recovery agent and owner of Good Luck Recovery Agency is very amusing, but we have seen the same act time and again in his Munnabhai avatar.  He is a ruthless Bhai who wants to become a politician.  He is advised to clean up his act by people who matter.  So he starts doing Gandhigiri in his recovery agency, solving people’s problems, even falling in love with one of his loan victims.  

Sanjay Dutt shines in his role – but I think he could sleep-walk through it, his comic sense and timing is impeccable.

It is a good entertainer of the masala movie genre – but all in all I was left with a feeling of dissatisfaction.  It could have been a black comedy, a satire or even a dark dark movie with a topic like EMI.  Hmmm this was candyfloss when it could have been a tiramisu.

Drona, A review

People I saw Drona yesterday ……..

You guys are supposed to hand me Asprin, a towel and fan me while a flop on the couch.

You know the feeling one gets when one has bland khichri for lunch when one is not sick?  You aren’t hungry but you are not sated?  Well, that’s the feeling I got when I walked out of the movie hall. 

It has this lovely lady with a great body (Priyanka) who does the most awesome stunts (She is Drona’s bodyguard), you have lovely special effects (though heavily inspired by Harry Potter) and Kay Kay Menon as the villian Rys Raizada – I liked his acting.  The other two were heavily spaced out.  I have yet to see more wooden characters …..  Abhishek needs to work with real directors who can bring out his skills – he was great in Guru where he reminded me of his mother’s talent.  And he needs to lose weight.  Seriously who ever heard of a superhero with a paunch?

Wonder why every thing Priyanka had to say started with “Babuji kehte the”? Lady, Tum kya kehti ho?  The movie has its good points but is too patchy.  If you took out the songs – which have nothing to do with the story at all, reduced the length of the movie and bullied the main leads to emote dammit – it would have been good.  As such it was boring.

I liked the sequence where they go to a mythical place called Raazpur … that was interesting

There were some young kids who had come with their parents to see the movie and loved it.  I dunno …

Kid#1 : This movie should have been called Rona instead of Drona.  Abhishek keeps feeling sorry for himself.

Kid#2 : (in tones of deep distaste) Abhishek was playing the role of Priyanka’s wife!

(Note to self : Lady you have given birth to a chauvanist pig, kick yourself) 

My verdict :

• Goldie Behl should stop having anything to do with Bollywood
• Who ever wrote the dialogues of the movie aught to be shot
• Kay Kay as the clownish villain saved the day
• Priyanka rocks – but she better be careful of the movies she picks up